


cut to the feeling

by nykteris



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: (if need be i mean), Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Just some good ol' gay college shenanigans, More tags will be added as chapters are posted!, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-03-11 21:49:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13533231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nykteris/pseuds/nykteris
Summary: This must be what thrill feels like, darling.(Eventually I fall into you.)





	1. the girl who flooded the laundry room

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! So just a quick run-down on the format of this fic: basically, each chapter serves as a **prompt fill** (with prompts taken from various sources and of various kinds) or will work around a general theme/song/etc. Each chapter might also serve more as a vignette of Yves' and Chuu's relationship rather than 'proper' chapters, but rest assured that all chapters are (a) in linear chronology and (b) very much connected to one another under one overarching story despite primarily being prompt fills. This all depends on my availability to write or the nature of the prompt.
> 
> I'm still not out of my writing slump so I can't write very long fics right now, and uni is quite hectic too, so this is (in all honesty) just my way of letting out some steam and de-stress during my downtime.
> 
> Title from Carly Rae Jepsen's own 'Cut to The Feeling'.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Water gushes over the top of Sooyoung’s slipper-clad feet when she pushes the door to the laundry room open. She stares down at her feet, completely perplexed, before she finally looks up at the culprit behind this miniature flood-laundry room disaster. The girl’s eyes are as wide as saucers, her chin tucked to her chest like a frightened mouse.
> 
> (As far as first meetings go this certainly takes the cake.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- **prompt** : “I accidentally flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry"

Water gushes over the top of Sooyoung’s slipper-clad feet when she pushes the door to the laundry room open. She stares down at her feet, completely perplexed, before she finally looks up at the culprit behind this miniature flood-laundry room disaster. The girl’s eyes are as wide as saucers, her chin tucked to her chest like a frightened mouse.

Finally, Sooyoung breathes, “What the _hell_ happened here?”

The girl – no one Sooyoung’s ever seen before, so she must be new here at the dorm – scratches the back of her head, cheeks tinged with pink. Sooyoung catches the way she glances to the washing machine, one of the front-loading types you always see in the movies. The lid is popped open and bubbly water continues to stream out of it like a tiny waterfall. Except waterfalls are pretty and waterfalls don’t get you into trouble with the admin.

Sooyoung sets her laundry basket down on top of the other washing machine and surveys the mess around her. She kicks at the water lightly and, without looking up, asks, “Did you at least think to turn off the washing machine?”

The other girl doesn’t reply. So Sooyoung brings her eyes back to the other girl who, because of how she shrinks into herself, looks even smaller than she already is. Another second passes before the girl scrambles to finally pull the plug on the washing machine before Sooyoung realizes that perhaps her tone had been too sharp or maybe she just sounded too passive-aggressive just a moment ago. Immediately she starts to feel bad – the new girl surely wasn’t having the best time of her life and now she had to deal with _that_. Haseul always used to tell her that the way she said things sometimes came off too strong or snappy even if Sooyoung didn’t mean for it to be that way. Hell, most of the time she barely ever noticed the shifts in her tone.

(“You’re just…” Haseul purses her lips as she gropes for the right word. When she _does_ find it, she smiles crookedly. “You can be a little _intimidating_ , is all.”

“You _could_ just tell her she can kind of be a bitch sometimes,” Jungeun chirps in, blunt and crass as she always is. Haseul glares at Jungeun and Sooyoung isn’t aware of what expression she’s making but whatever it is, it makes Jungeun go, “What? I’m just telling the truth!”)

The silence is awkward, to say the least. Sooyoung watches as the new girl hastily pulls her clothes out of the washing machine. She notes of how the girl moves a little faster when she pulls out a hot pink – like the actual color, okay, the color _hot pink_ – bra and basically shoves it into her own basket. She remembers that there’s still this whole disaster to clean up so, clearing her throat, she offers, “I’ll go get a mop – _mops_ – and a bucket. You, uh, just stay right here.” Overcompensation is the name of the game.

The girl shakes her head so violently Sooyoung fears the might snap it or something. “No! I-I’ll handle this, I’ll be fine. I’ll – yeah. This is my fault anyway so…”

“No, it’s cool. You go get your stuff out and I’ll be back in a sec.” Sooyoung tries her best at a reassuring and hey-see-I’m-not- _that_ -intimidating-or-whatever smile. Neither of them seem convinced at all.

Sooyoung comes back not more than five minutes later with two mops and bucket in hand, just like she promised. No one bats an eyelash when she walked by carrying the items and she’s glad because she didn’t need anyone else in on this. For starters, she had no idea how to even _explain_ what happened and she didn’t want the new girl to start off with the reputation as The Girl Who Flooded the Laundry Room. The most she gets is a cocked brow from Jinsol who otherwise doesn’t really give a shit.

They quietly go about their work. It’s painfully obvious how they try to avoid bumping into each other, let alone brush elbows. Sooyoung sneaks glances at the girl who remains focused in her mopping (or maybe she was just avoiding Sooyoung’s gaze). It’s amusing to watch her mopping the floor with such intensity and aggression and Sooyoung can just imagine what must be going through her head. At the same time though, there’s a kind of earnest quality to her actions. How the adjective ‘earnestly’ could ever be tacked beside ‘mopping the floor’ is beyond Sooyoung but she’s witnessing it now.

When they’re done cleaning, Sooyoung loads her clothes into the other washing machine. She straightens up and lets the machine whir to life. The room still smells like laundry detergent and fabric conditioner but it doesn’t bother Sooyoung.

The other girl shyly walks up to her, arms wrapped around her basket, and says, “Hey, thanks for helping me with my, uh, mess. I’ll take back the mops and get rid of the water in the bucket.”

Sooyoung smiles at the girl lopsidedly. “It’s fine. I’ll do it. Besides, you look like you’ve had a rough afternoon.”

The girl looks like she’s about to continue insisting but she stops herself. Sheepishly, she says, “Thanks. And – yeah. Been a rough afternoon. But are you sure? It’s really the least I can do after putting you through all _this_.”

“Yeah, seriously,” Sooyoung reassures. She tilts her head slightly and finally says, “And…I’m guessing you must be new here.”

“I moved in a day ago,” the girl chuckles. “This really isn’t the kind of first impression I wanted to make.”

“Trust me, I’ve seen worse.” Sooyoung smiles as she extends her hand, “I’m Sooyoung. Nice to meet you.”

Taking Sooyoung’s hand in hers, the girl replies, “Nice to meet you. I’m Jiwoo.” Her eyes crinkle at the corners as she breaks into a billion kilowatt smile that spreads from ear to ear. If it makes Sooyoung feel a strange, unexplainable kind of _something_ in her chest, she ignores it.

Jiwoo leaves with a bright “I promise I’ll make it up to you!”, her grin not once faltering, and Sooyoung gives her a small wave of goodbye. When she’s left all alone, she plops down on the bench across the washing machines and idly watches her clothes go around and around, drowned in a sea of bubbles. She thinks nothing more of Jiwoo, or at least she tries not to, but as far as first meetings go this certainly takes the cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments & kudos are lovely and always appreciated!
> 
> (P.S. I just turned 21 today! God, I'm old.)


	2. unfair, but with special considerations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re really more concerned that she saw you flood the room more than you’re concerned that she saw that ridiculous hot pink bra of yours?” Heejin teases.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- **prompt** : “The world isn’t fair, Calvin.” “I know, but why isn’t it ever unfair to my favor?”  
> (from Calvin & Hobbes, click [here](https://twitter.com/irezumis/status/958546246896988161) for full strip.)

“It’s not fair, Heejin!” Jiwoo whines, lips puckering out into a pout. She waits for Heejin to say something, anything, but she doesn’t look up from her phone. She’s got that dopey grin on her face again as she types away in rapid fire. Jiwoo rolls her eyes; Heejin is probably texting that crush of hers, Hyunjin. They were sort-of-kind-of a thing but not yet, not really and as happy as Jiwoo is for her friend, she also needs Heejin to at least act like she gives a damn about Jiwoo’s plight. Louder and whinier this time, Jiwoo says, “The world isn’t _fair_ , Heejin!”

Heejin looks up this time, unfazed and unimpressed. “The world hardly ever is, Jiwoo.”

“Well why can’t it be unfair _to my favor_ , at least?” Jiwoo grumbles, to which Heejin just snorts. She takes a frustrated sip of her iced latte, which didn’t taste like much of a latte now that most of the ice had melted. Again, she murmurs, “It’s not fair.”

Heejin pauses for a second before she finally puts down her phone on the table, leans forward and sighs, “You know, you’ve been going on about how ‘it’s not fair’ but you haven’t even told me yet exactly what ‘it’ is.”

Jiwoo blushes. “Oh, come on. You already know it.”

“Are you serious?” Heejin scoffs. She leans back into her seat now and crosses her arms over her chest. “It’s been _three_ days, dude. Why are you still so hung up on it?”

“Because I embarrassed myself in front of a pretty girl!” Jiwoo half-yells, aware of how livid she sounds. The only two other customers in the café turn their attention to her and she shrinks into her seat, wraps her lips around the straw for another sip of watered down coffee. She speaks around the straw, “Because if it wasn’t bad enough that I flooded the laundry room, the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen had to witness _all of it_.”

“You’re really more concerned that she saw you flood the room more than you’re concerned that she saw that ridiculous hot pink bra of yours?” Heejin teases.

Jiwoo’s face burns so hot that you could fry an egg on it. “I hate you.”

“You hate _yourself_. Stop projecting that self-hatred onto me.”

“Smartass.”

Heejin takes tiny sips of her coffee. “What did you say her name was again?”

“Sooyoung,” Jiwoo replies just short of a dreamy sigh. “She never gave me her last name but I think she might be an upperclassman. I haven’t seen her since, though.”

“Yeah, because you’re actively _avoiding_ her,” Heejin rolls her eyes. “If you wanna see her again so bad then stop avoiding her like she’s the plague. You live in the same place anyway so you really shouldn’t have any excuse to _not_ see her.”

Jiwoo pouts, “But what if she thinks I’m an idiot or something?”

“That’s only because you _are_ one.”

“You’re not doing a very good job at this ‘being a comforting friend’ thing.”

“And _you’re_ being overly dramatic about all this,” Heejin counters. Her phone suddenly buzzes and though she briefly looks down at it, she doesn’t move to answer what is presumably a text from Hyunjin. Jiwoo has to admit it’s having her girl problems prioritized over Hyunjin for once. “You know, I highly doubt she gives a shit anyway about your fuck-up. I’m sure she’s seen worse. So, for the love of _God_ , just talk to her already. She seems really nice so I’m sure she’ll give you the time of day – probably out of pity but that doesn’t really matter, right? What matters is that you get to talk to her!”

“You know,” Jiwoo replies, “for someone who was flipping her shit just a year ago about talking to Hyunjin, you sure have a lot to say about _my_ being a weak shit.”

“Because I’m not a weak shit _anymore_ ,” Heejin explains as if she were explaining something so very simple and so very obvious to a five-year-old child. “Nuances, Jiwoo. _Nuances_.”

Jiwoo cups her face in her hands, choosing to ignore Heejin’s amazing ability to bullshit her way through things. She stares out the window and watches as people walk by. It’s a relatively lazy Wednesday afternoon and there wasn’t much to do yet aside from attend lecture after lecture. Jiwoo is going to miss sitting in coffee shops just for the sake of sitting in coffee shops once all the requirements, exams and projects hit everyone in the face. The start of the semester was always the calm before the shitstorm.

Without tearing her eyes away from the window, Jiwoo tells Heejin, “I told Sooyoung I’d make it up to her, you know.”

Heejin, now back on her phone, retorts, “And I wonder how you’re supposed to do _that_ when you’re hiding from her.”

“I don’t even know _how_ I’m supposed to make it up to her,” Jiwoo rambles on. “I don’t know the first thing about her other than her name being Sooyoung, and I don’t have any real reason to, like, _go to her_ or talk to her.”

“Then _make_ one up,” Heejin says with that same ‘Jiwoo, the answer is painfully obvious’ tone. To add insult to injury, she’s not even looking at Jiwoo, so caught up texting Hyunjin or whoever it is this time. “Also, you could literally just stalk her on Facebook or ask around your dorm about her if you want to know more about her. Geez, Jiwoo. This is Sleuthing 101.”

“Don’t you think it’d be… _weird_ , though?” Jiwoo purses her lips. "To suddenly just walk up to her and be like 'Hey!', I mean."

Heejin draws her eyes back to Jiwoo and counters, “And why would it be weird? You’re just trying to give back to the person who was kind enough to help you. I’m sure she wouldn’t think _weirdly_ of that! If anything, I’m sure it’d make up for the awkward first impression you left her.”

A point has been made. “What’d be, like, a totally inconspicuous gift to give her though? You know, as thanks? Are cookies okay or do they scream ‘Hi, I’m sorry I’m a mess but you’re really pretty and I’d like to get to know you better in the romantic sense’?”

“Do I look like I know what cookies are supposed to _‘scream’_?” Heejin shakes her head. She checks the time on her phone and adds, “I’ll just go to the restroom then we can head back to campus.”

Jiwoo’s eyes trail Heejin’s back as she walks away. She mulls over what the other girl said, and an idea finally hits her. A lightbulb comes to life above her head – figuratively, of course. When Heejin comes back to their table, she cocks a brow at Jiwoo and says, “Why do you have that look on your face?”

Jiwoo’s eyes light up as she announces, “I just got an idea!”, and Heejin chuckles, “Oh boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments & kudos are lovely and always appreciated!
> 
> (Side note: I'll try to update this as fast as I can. Especially while uni isn't in Shitstorm Mode just yet.)


	3. this is how it starts, a thunderbolt through the heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She takes the stairs down to the fourth floor and as she walks, she feels her heart start to beat like a jackhammer against her ribcage. It’s beating so fast and so hard that she starts to worry you could hear it from a mile away. Which is stupid, because why should she even be getting clammy in her hands and jittery about this? It’s just being a good fellow dormer. It’s just a girl who flooded the laundry room and had a smile to die for. Whatever, right?
> 
> (Except right now Sooyoung is feeling the complete opposite of whatever the emotional equivalent of ‘whatever’ is supposed to be. Fuck.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- **prompt** : "You posted that you needed to borrow something on the floor’s facebook group and I just so happen to have what you need"
> 
> Chapter title taken from '[Exploration no. 5](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0OsZsUWAjo)' by Reese Lansangan.

Sooyoung has never been a fan of Facebook, if only because she hardly had any reason to be on the website in the first place. She never checked her notifications save for the ones from her various classes’ groups or the occasional friend request (and she got way too many of those in any given day). She’s about to ignore this notification until she reads the name of the person who’d just posted in the dorm’s Facebook group: _Kim Jiwoo_.

She pauses. Jiwoo. _Wait, wasn’t that the name of the girl in the laundry room the other day?_

She closes the notifications pop-up window and proceeds to typing in _Kim Jiwoo_ in the search bar. A number of Kim Jiwoo’s pop up but she knows she’s found the right Kim Jiwoo when she sees the profile picture and thinks, _Yep, this is her, alright_. The same big and bright smile, the same crinkle in the corner of her eyes, the same tiny frame. Sooyoung bites down on her lip when she catches herself smiling.

It’s not a surprise to Sooyoung that she never noticed Jiwoo was added to the group because, again, she rarely ever opened her Facebook. Haseul must have added her. When she goes to the group to check, her guess is confirmed. Right at the top of the ‘Recently Joined’ list of group members is Kim Jiwoo herself, added by Haseul just a few hours before Jiwoo’s post.

Sooyoung checks out what Jiwoo had posted.

 

**Kim Jiwoo**

3 mins

Hi guys! Sorry for posting so late TT but I really need to borrow speakers for a class presentation tomorrow!! I PROMISE I’LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU ❤❤❤

✔ Seen by 13

 

 _I promise I’ll make it up to you!_ Jiwoo said the same thing to her that afternoon at the laundry room. She hears it perfectly in her head, the way Jiwoo’s voice sounded, and she remembers how blindingly bright Jiwoo’s smile had been. It makes her chest feel all weird and stuff again.

Sooyoung looks around her desk, checking the drawers, for her speakers.  She frowns to herself. Swiveling her chair around to face her roommate Jungeun, she asks, “Hey, do you remember where I put my speakers?” Jungeun looks pretty absorbed with whatever it is she’s watching on her laptop, earphones plugged into her ears, so Sooyoung raises her voice and asks again, “ _Hey, do you remember where I put my speakers?”_

Jungeun pulls out one earbud and replies, “Why the hell do you think I’d know where you put your junk?”

“Because you borrow my ‘junk’ all the time,” Sooyoung deadpans. “Didn’t I lend it to you, like, a week ago?”

“Did you?” Jungeun asks honestly, furrowing her brows. She sets aside her laptop now, pulling out the other earbud from her ear, and walks over to her desk on her side of the room. She yanks open drawer after drawer before she throws open her cabinet drawers. Sooyoung sighs when she sees how much of a mess Jungeun’s clothes are, hastily and lazily piled one on top of another, but she decides to lecture her on it next time. Finally, after a few minutes of searching, Jungeun shrugs, “Na-da.”

Sooyoung’s eyes flicker to her laptop where Jiwoo’s post is still open. It’s not like she was obligated to lend the girl her speakers, anyway. That and for sure someone would be kind enough to do it themselves. _But_... Sooyoung thinks, then she stops herself. _But_ what? A part of herself whispers back, _But you want to be the one to do it, don’t you?_ And the answer, the painfully awkward and obvious answer, is _Yes, goddammit. Yes_.

“You sure you didn’t just leave it at Jinsol’s room?” Sooyoung asks this time, even more persistent. Jungeun honestly spent more time at Jinsol’s room (and with Jinsol in general) than she did in their own room so there could honestly be a chance that Jungeun just left it there.

Jungeun tilts her head to the side. Then with a snap of her fingers, she exclaims, “Oh, fuck! Right. I _did_ leave it there. I’ll text her now to check.” A minute passes and Jungeun tells Sooyoung, “Jinsol will be here in a bit with the speakers.”

Sooyoung chews on her lower lip as she waits for Jinsol to arrive. Her eyes constantly flicker to her laptop screen as she hopes that no one’s lent Jiwoo their speakers yet. She’s snapped out of her reverie when Jungeun asks her, “What do you need the speakers so badly for?”

 _I need an excuse to see this girl again_ , Sooyoung thinks but doesn’t say. Lord forbid she ever lets _that_ slip out of her mouth. She instead answers, “Someone posted on the dorm group that they needed it for a presentation tomorrow. Some new girl.”

“Well aren’t _you_ a saint,” Jungeun scoffs. She pays Sooyoung no mind after that, eyes glued back to her laptop screen again.

Sooyoung practically jumps out of her chair when she hears three knocks on the door. She rushes to the door, nearly slipping on her way, and throws it open to be greeted by a surprised Jinsol, speakers in hand. Sooyoung greets, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Jinsol returns, eyes narrowed as she hands Sooyoung back her speakers. “Mind if I come in?”

Sooyoung steps aside. “Yeah, sure.”

The moment Jinsol is inside the room, she makes a beeline for Jungeun’s bed. She curls up beside Jungeun and Sooyoung watches them fall into a fit of giggles as they talk about things she can barely comprehend. She takes her eyes away from the two lovebirds before she witnesses anything that she shouldn’t be witnessing in the first place. Now all that’s left staring her in the face is Jiwoo’s post which has not yet been responded to by anyone else. She takes a deep breath.

 

 **Ha Sooyoung** I’ve got speakers, if you still need them :)

Like · Reply

              **Kim Jiwoo** omg yes, thank you!! TT

                Like · Reply

              **Ha Sooyoung** What’s your room #?

                Like · Reply

              **Kim Jiwoo** 407! Again, thank you so much ;;

                Like · Reply

              **Ha Sooyoung** It’s no problem haha :) I’ll be there in a bit.

                Like · Reply

 

Whew. Okay. That didn’t go so bad, did it? At least she didn’t sound so passive-aggressive again. Haseul was right: the smiley emoticon could do wonders for online conversations, especially for someone who typed as passive-aggressive as she spoke. She looks behind her at Jungeun and Jinsol who’re starting to get more touchy-feely and decides that as shallow as her reasons may be for bending over backwards to lend her speakers to Jiwoo (who she hardly knew), they’ve at least given her a reason to Not Be Here for _that_.

Sooyoung gets up from her chair and says, “I’ll be back in a bit,” which is met with distracted hums from Jinsol and Jungeun. Ugh, _God_. She almost regrets setting that two up. Just ‘almost’ because they’re admittedly (and disgustingly) adorable together.

She takes the stairs down to the fourth floor and as she walks, she feels her heart start to beat like a jackhammer against her ribcage. It’s beating so fast and so hard that she starts to worry you could hear it from a mile away. Which is stupid, because why should she even be getting clammy in her hands and jittery about this? It’s just being a good fellow dormer. It’s just a girl who flooded the laundry room and had a smile to die for. Whatever, right?

(Except right now Sooyoung is feeling the complete opposite of whatever the emotional equivalent of ‘whatever’ is supposed to be. Fuck.)

The numbers _407_ stare Sooyoung in the face. No, they _glare_ at her. She gulps before she hesitantly knocks on the door. Then – well, she waits. A few seconds pass before she knocks on the door again, more firmly this time. The door comes swinging open so fast it almost docks Sooyoung right on her face, causing her to jump back in surprise and for Jiwoo to squeak out, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

It feels like a thunderbolt has struck her right through her heart.

Sooyoung blinks at an equally shell-shocked Jiwoo before she swallows down the lump in hear throat and hands her speakers to Jiwoo with a murmured, “Uh, hi.”

“Hi,” Jiwoo replies softly. She clears her throat and adds more brightly, “Oh, and thank you so much for lending me your speakers!” There’s still a touch of awkwardness there but her smile is very much genuine and very much the same one that even got Sooyoung to this point in the first place.

“It’s no problem,” Sooyoung says and judging from the slight falter in Jiwoo’s smile, Sooyoung supposes she doesn’t sound any warmer or _friendly_ than she did when they first met. She makes a mental note to talk to Haseul about that.

Jiwoo seems to be waiting for Sooyoung to say something more but Sooyoung honestly has nothing else to say at this point. She didn’t think _this_ far, okay. Suddenly, Jiwoo says, “Oh! By the way, remember how I said I’d make it up to you? Well, I guess now I have to _double_ make it up to you but – okay, wait here for a sec.” Sooyoung watches her curiously as she flits back into her room, leaving the door just slightly ajar behind her.

After a few seconds, Jiwoo comes back with a jar of cookies in hand. Jiwoo holds it in front of Sooyoung and shyly explains, “I wasn’t really sure what to get you or if anything could ever actually be enough to repay you for helping me, but I hope this’ll do. That and you aren’t allergic to chocolate.”

Sooyoung takes the jar in her hands, looking at the carefully tied ribbon around it and the little “Thank you! ❤” note attached. She couldn’t fight back the smile that tugs on the corners of her lips even if she tried. “It’s perfect,” she chuckles, holding the jar tight against her chest. “And don’t worry. I’m not allergic to chocolate.”

Jiwoo’s eyes light up like the fourth of July. Sooyoung wishes Jiwoo would just let her breathe for once.

“Thank you again for the speakers,” Jiwoo says before Sooyoung heads back to her own room. “I’ll give them back to you as soon as my presentation is done!”

When Sooyoung gets back to her room, Jinsol and Jungeun immediately sit up straight when they see the jar of cookies she’s carrying. “Can we have some?” they beg simultaneously, flashing their best puppy eyes-puppy pout combination at her, but she puts the jar down on her desk and curtly replies, “Get your own cookies.”

Jungeun scoffs, “You’re always so mean,” and Jinsol says, “Have fun living with the consequences of consuming about seventy-eight calories for every piece of cookie you keep to yourself instead of sharing with us.”

Sooyoung just rolls her eyes. She undoes the ribbon on the jar, pops the lid open and bites into a cookie. “Have fun _rotting_ with jealousy,” she quips. There’s no way in hell she’s sharing these cookies _from Jiwoo_ with just anyone or _at all_. If she has to live with the consequences of seventy-eight calories per cookie then she _will_.

She’s about to go back to her homework when she sees she’s got another notification, this time on the Friend Requests tab. She clicks it and the cookie almost falls out of her mouth when she reads:

 

 **Kim Jiwoo**  sent you a friend request.

 

This is it, this is what nirvana feels like. This is heaven on earth. This is the second coming of Christ.

Sooyoung turns back to Jungeun and Jinsol and, jar of cookies in her outstretched hand, says, “You know what, maybe I don’t want to live with the consequences all alone after all.” Jungeun and Jinsol whoop in victory before pouncing on Sooyoung like rabid animals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys have any prompts you'd like to suggest, just hit me up [here](https://curiouscat.me/candypink) or in the comments! I'm really just winging this story as I go (though right now I already have a proper set of prompts to follow + an ending in mind) so suggestions are very much welcome.
> 
> Comments & kudos are lovely and always appreciated!


	4. you take me by the heart when you take me by the hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey, you know," Heejin remarks in a whisper, "you're going to glare a hole right through your phone if you don't stop staring at it like that. I won't be surprised if you suddenly shoot laser beams out of your eyes like Superman."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> — **prompt** : "ano, sa..." ("hey, you know...")  
> #5 from [30kisses](http://30kisses.livejournal.com/262235.html/).
> 
> Title taken from '[Mickey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aqLwHP4y6Q/)' by Toni Basil.

"Hey, you know," Heejin remarks in a whisper, "you're going to glare a hole right through your phone if you don't stop staring at it like that. I won't be surprised if you suddenly shoot laser beams out of your eyes like Superman."

 

Jiwoo doesn't look away from her phone's screen as she replies, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't," Heejin sighs. They're stuck at a talk in one of the university's many lecture halls, jackets pulled tight against their bodies because if there's one thing the people here don't seem to skimp on, it's air-conditioning. The both of them would have gone home already if Heejin's professor wasn't giving out bonus points for attending and if Hyunjin didn't have a class to worry about, leaving Jiwoo to be stuck with Heejin instead. In front, the speaker continues to drone on about...whatever it is he's droning on about. "What's got you watching your phone like a hawk anyway?"

Heat crawls up all the way to the tips of Jiwoo's ears. She lies, "Nothing."

"It can't be nothing if you're blushing like that."

"Fine," Jiwoo grumbles. She pouts at her phone, avoiding Heejin's probing gaze. "I'm waiting for Sooyoung to reply."

Heejin snickers so loud that it turns heads. "I honestly have no idea how you managed to pull off that 'oh help, I need speakers for my non-existent presentation tomorrow!' stunt of yours. Hell, I don't know how you got so lucky that it was Sooyoung who responded, not just anyone else."

Okay, it would be a lie to say that Jiwoo isn't feeling just a little bit cocky and accomplished right now. Her plan had been a shot at the moon, admittedly. Anyone else really could have responded to her post on the dorm's Facebook group and she would have wound up with speakers she didn't actually need and a whole lot of explaining to do. So, fine, she got real lucky that it was Sooyoung who responded. She didn't leave it all to luck only, though. The little 'I promise I'll make it up to you!' at the end of her post was meant specifically for Sooyoung, who hopefully hadn't forgotten about Jiwoo's promise to her that day in the laundry room. And, God bless, she remembered.

Grinning, Jiwoo simply says, "Oh, you know, mind games."

"You're taking way too much credit for this." Heejin shakes her head, but she's smiling too. "What do you guys even talk about? Assuming you properly talk to each other at all, I mean."

Jiwoo looks away and shrugs, "Stuff."

"That isn't vague at all."

"Well..." Jiwoo purses her lips. "I don't know, we just talk about whatever. School, the dorm, just really mundane things."

The other people in the audience laugh to whatever funny thing the speaker just said, which both Jiwoo and Heejin obviously miss. Heejin deadpans, "I highly doubt that."

"Okay, fine," Jiwoo groans. She glances down at her phone briefly before she shoves it into her jacket pocket and crosses her arms over her chest. God, why did it have to be so damn cold? "I messaged her last night to ask about when would be a good time to give back her speakers."

"You still haven't returned her speakers?" Heejin exclaims, again getting the attention of the people around them once again. "It's been days since your not-presentation!"

"It's the only reason I have to stay in contact with her, okay?" Jiwoo hisses defensively to Heejin. "I was supposed to return it the day after I borrowed it, I swear, but I dropped by her room and she wasn't there so I figured I'd hold on to it until I could finally catch her at a good time."

"Now you're just making excuses for yourself, you big liar," Heejin scoffs. The audience bursts into applause. Heejin and Jiwoo join in out of courtesy. Students line up behind the mic stands, ready to ask the speaker some questions. "I'm starting to think you just held onto it and didn't remind her you still had it so you could make up excuses to suddenly just message her."

Jiwoo has been caught red-handed but only slightly. "Okay, you might be onto something but I'm not lying about her not being in her room, okay? I mean, Jesus, she has a life too."

They sit through the Q&A in silence. Heejin is typing away on her phone, presumably texting Hyunjin (Jiwoo watches as Heejin painstakingly goes through all the emojis at her fingertips, sending an obnoxious amount in the end), and Jiwoo tries not to 'watch her phone like a hawk' because it's already embarrassing enough that Heejin saw right through her bluff and called her out on it. When the Q&A is finished, Jiwoo holds onto the sleeve of Heejin's jacket as everyone squeezes past each other to exit the lecture hall. It's times like this that Jiwoo is made all too aware of how tiny she is.

When they finally make it out of the room alive, they're met near the entrance by Hyunjin. Heejin excitedly walks over to her, forgetting that Jiwoo is still clinging onto her. Jiwoo, being the fool that she is, lets herself get dragged along anyway.

"Hey," Hyunjin greets, lips curling into a small smile. "How was the talk?"

Heejin reaches for Hyunjin's hand and takes it in hers, loosely intertwining their fingers. The touch is fleeting as Heejin brings her hand back to her side (and Jiwoo wrinkles her nose in disgust). She replies, "I honestly have no idea what the guy said for the most part, but judging from the audience reaction I'd say it was pretty good."

Jiwoo pops her head out from behind Heejin and lamely greets, "Hey, Hyunjin."

"Oh, Jiwoo!" Hyunjin blinks in surprise. "Did Heejin drag you into doing this again?"

Heejin rolls her eyes, "She let me drag her into this. Stop making me look like the villain here."

They walk together, with Heejin and Hyunjin walking so close to each other that Jiwoo wants to tell them to leave some room for the Holy Spirit. Jiwoo checks her phone for any notifications and is disappointed when she finds none. Her last message to Sooyoung stares back at her tauntingly. She contemplates on sending another message but she stops herself because she doesn't want to be That Bitch and didn't want to be so clingy this early on when they aren't even a significant anything yet.

"Oh, there she goes again," Heejin bemoans, making Hyunjin chuckle. "You know, she spent a majority of the talk just waiting for her crush to reply. She wouldn't stop staring at her phone."

"I don't think you're in any place to judge her, honestly," Hyunjin says simply but with a touch of teasing. Heejin smiles sheepishly, blushing just the slightest.

"Thank you," Jiwoo says to Hyunjin triumphantly. She sticks her tongue out at Heejin who responds with a roll of her eyes. "Anyway, as much as I like being around you guys, I'm gonna go ahead because I really don't wanna third-wheel."

"Aw, come on!" Heejin pouts. "We'll walk you to your dorm."

Hyunjin nods. "I've never had any reason to pass by where the dorms are anyway so this is as good a time as any."

Jiwoo couldn't get rid of them even if she tried. It's both kind of awkward and kind of nice to have Heejin and Hyunjin with her (even though she doesn't feel like any less of a third-wheel). The walk isn't a very long one, maybe just around ten minutes. The three of them are laughing about something Heejin said when, as they approach the building for the women's dorm, someone calls out, "Oh, it's Jiwoo!"

She almost wishes she didn't turn to find the owner of the voice because right in the middle of Haseul, who enthusiastically waves at Jiwoo, and another girl is none other than Sooyoung. The sound that escapes from Jiwoo's mouth is one that's caught between a shriek, a whimper and a groan, so you can imagine that it's generally _unattractive_. Her heart nearly leaps out of her chest when the trio walk towards them to meet them half-way. Jiwoo tries to look anywhere but at Sooyoung.

Heejin dips her head and whispers to Jiwoo, "Which one of them is it?", and Jiwoo mumbles back, "Oh, trust me. You'll _know_."

"Jiwoo!" Haseul greets very brightly, almost brighter than the sun itself, with a warm smile to match. The other girl with them looks at Jiwoo curiously but it's a harmless kind of curious. And Sooyoung...well, the expression on Sooyoung's face is hard to read. It's the same kind of cool, almost lazy expression she has every time Jiwoo's ever had the chance to talk to her or be around her. It was an expressionless expression, if that makes any sense at all. Haseul gestures to Sooyoung and the other girl and says, "Oh, this is Jungeun"—the other girl, _Jungeun_ , greets her with a small Hey _—"_ and this is—"

_"_ We've met," Sooyoung cuts in. Her gaze lands on Jiwoo and it takes all of Jiwoo's strength and will to not hide behind Heejin. "I lent her my speakers, remember?"

_Oh no. Is she mad at me for not returning them any sooner?_ Jiwoo thinks. She grabs onto Heejin's sleeve again and Heejin looks at her knowingly.  It's difficult to tell exactly what Sooyoung is trying to really get at here because her voice betrays no emotions. Haseul just snaps her fingers and replies, "Right, I forgot about that."

Heejin clears her throat and quips, "Since Jiwoo here clearly has no _manners_ —hi, I'm Heejin and this is my, uh, friend Hyunjin."

"Nice to meet you! I'm Haseul and these are Jungeun and Sooyoung." Haseul looks pointedly at Jungeun and Sooyoung as she adds, "Be nice and say hi to Jiwoo's friends."

Jungeun defensively says, "Hey, I'm nice! Can't say the same for Sooyoung, though, but she tries." Sooyoung just smiles a small smile at Heejin and Hyunjin, who not so subtly look back and forth between Sooyoung and Jiwoo. "Don't listen to Jungeun," she tells them in a tone that yells _Shut the fuck up, Jungeun_. "None of us do, anyway."

The look on Haseul's face falls somewhere along the lines of _I can't believe these kids_  and _I'm sorry they're like this_. Changing the topic, she tells Jiwoo, "Hey, we were actually gonna head out to get some _tteokbokki_. Wanna come with?" She smiles at Heejin and Hyunjin. "You guys can come too, if you want."

Hyunjin replies for the both of them as she replies, "Oh, we'd love to but we have plans already. I'm sure Jiwoo would love to go, though."

Heejin nudges Jiwoo with her elbow and, wolfishly grinning, says, "Yeah, Jiwoo. Didn't you say you wanted to get to know the people around your dorm a little better?"

Jiwoo wants to kick Heejin in the face (she would never try this with Hyunjin because even the biggest and strongest of men could be put to tears by Hyunjin's glare alone) but Haseul looks absolutely delighted so now Jiwoo has no other choice but to actually tag along. Haseul's always been really nice to her ever since she moved in so the last thing she wants to do is disappoint her. It would feel too much like disappointing her own mother if she suddenly said no now.

What takes everyone by surprise is when Sooyoung suddenly chirps in, "Yeah, you should come with. Haseul's paying anyway so you might as well make the most of it."

"That's the only way she gets us to join her in anything," Jungeun snorts. Haseul glares at her.

"Uh, sure," Jiwoo murmurs, rubbing the back of her neck. "I have no plans or homework to do anyway."

They walk together as a group along the same general direction. Haseul and Jungeun do most of the talking with Heejin and Hyunjin, and it's clear to see that the four of them get along really well and could be really good friends if they got to hang out more. Sooyoung smiles and chuckles here and there but other than that she remains fairly reserved. As for Jiwoo, she hangs at the back, but not too far that it gives her companions the impression she feels left out or doesn't want to be here with them, and steals glances at Sooyoung.

When they finally part ways with Heejin and Hyunjin, there's an exchange of "Let's hang soon!" and "See you around!" and Jiwoo wants the earth to swallow her whole when Heejin not-so-discreetly points at Sooyoung and mouths, _SHE'S HOT, BY THE WAY._  Hyunjin makes it worse by giving her the OK gesture with her hand, eyes dancing. Jiwoo watches them walk the other way and panic begins to settle in again when she realizes that now she's all alone with Haseul, Jungeun and Sooyoung. Her. Left to her own devices. _Around Sooyoung_. This is the beginning of a disaster.

A minute passes before Jungeun turns around to Jiwoo and says, "What're you doing back there? Come here! I almost thought we lost you."

"You're really gonna try to take a jab at her height now?" Sooyoung rolls her eyes and Haseul laughs. Jiwoo hopes it isn't too obvious how her body freezes up for a second when Sooyoung starts to walk beside her, their elbows almost knocking against each other. Sooyoung doesn't seem to notice anyway and she continues, "Don't mind Jungeun. It's like I said: none of us really listen to what she says anyway. I've been her roommate ever since and I sure as hell don't."

"You're a bitch, that's what you are," Jungeun says dryly. She slows down her pace and flanks Jiwoo on her other side. Haseul falls into step with them as well. "So, Jiwoo. You're the one Sooyoung wouldn't stop bugging me about for her speakers, huh?"

Jiwoo blinks, unsure of how to respond. In the end she replies, "Uh, I guess so."

"You make it sound like she held you at gunpoint for it," Haseul remarks snidely. "You're the one that keeps borrowing her stuff and forgetting to give them back."

"Um, excuse you but I'm an _amazing_  and _responsible_  roommate!" Jungeun sticks her tongue out at Haseul and Sooyoung. Jiwoo giggles despite herself and decides that she likes Jungeun. She likes Haseul a lot too. Hell, she likes all three of them a whole lot. And Sooyoung—well, no words are needed for _that_. Going back to Jiwoo, Jungeun asks, "You're new here, right? I'm guessing you filled up the spot of someone who moved out recently."

"Yeah, I did actually," Jiwoo nods. Sooyoung's gaze feels heavy on her but she manages to continue without her voice cracking, "I didn't make the cut, so to speak, during freshman year because all the rooms were full. I was advised to try again after the school year though because for sure some slots would be opened up after some of the dormers graduated. And, yeah, I applied over the summer and that's how I'm here now."

"How're you liking it here so far?" Haseul asks.

Jiwoo's eyes briefly flicker to Sooyoung, who hasn't looked away from her this entire time, and answers, "I like it here a lot, actually." Maybe her eyes are playing a trick on her but when she sneaks another glance at Sooyoung from the corner of her eye, she catches the faintest smile gracing Sooyoung's lips, as if she understood clearly what Jiwoo _really_  meant.

( _I've got to do a better job at being less transparent_ is all Jiwoo can think right now.)

Haseul and Jungeun are in their own little world for the rest of the walk to the _tteokbokki_  place near uni. After they've interrogated Jiwoo to the moon and back, they start discussing something that ends up becoming a full-blown debate. They end up walking a few feet ahead of Sooyoung and Jiwoo, walking faster and faster as their debate progresses. It's got something to do with economics because Jiwoo hears Jungeun exclaim "I'm an econ major! I _know_  this shit!" in an effort to prove she's right. Jiwoo chuckles to herself as she watches them passionately argue about whatever it is they're arguing about.

"They're really something, huh?" Sooyoung says to her suddenly. Her voice is light and fond even as she adds, "I don't know how and why I tolerate them."

Maybe it's too early for Jiwoo to be joking around with Sooyoung but she replies, "You like them a lot, that's why."

"Unfortunately, you're right," Sooyoung laughs. Jiwoo's stomach does somersaults at the sight of Sooyoung's smile. Seeing the way Sooyoung's two front teeth touch her lower lip like little bunny teeth makes Jiwoo want to reach out and squish her cheeks and squeal at Sooyoung about how adorable she is. She doesn't actually do that of course, because that's just plain weird. "I'm glad _you_ like them, though."

"They're great," Jiwoo says sincerely. "Jungeun kind of came off intimidating at first but she's really nice to talk to."

"I guess me and her being roommates was meant to be," Sooyoung muses. "We both get that a lot. You should meet her girlfriend, Jinsol. She's the softest person you'll ever meet but everyone gets intimidated by her really easily too. I think she's probably the most intimidating out of all of us, at first anyway."

Jiwoo is about to tell Sooyoung that she doesn't come off _that_  intimidating or stand-offish but then she remembers that even now she's still kind of intimidated so it would have been a big fat lie. 

 

Haseul and Jungeun have already crossed the street to the _tteokbokki_  place, leaving Sooyoung and Jiwoo to wait by the stoplight for the cars to pass. A rowdy group of boys walk up and wait at the stoplight too, laughing boisterously among themselves and shoving each other by the shoulder. The other people around them cast looks of distaste at the bunch, clearly just as bothered as Jiwoo is feeling. One of them almost knocks Jiwoo over when his friend shoves at him too hard; Jiwoo moves closer to Sooyoung in response, who begins to look _really_  annoyed at the boys. Jiwoo can sense it from the rigidity in Sooyoung's shoulders and the way she clenches her jaw. Jiwoo has enough sense in her to stop herself from focusing on how Sooyoung looks kinda hot like this.

( _Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't_ _—_ )

"Hey, you're pretty cute."

Startled, Jiwoo looks up at the boy who'd almost toppled her. He's a giant next to her. "Uh, pardon...?"

"I said: you're pretty cute," he repeats sleazily. The boy leans closer to her, sneering down at her as his friends snicker on behind him. "You know, my friends and I are going out for some drinks. Wanna come with?" He jerks his chin towards Sooyoung now, his smile carnal. The way he says "Your friend can come too" makes Jiwoo want to gag.

"Sorry but we have plans," Jiwoo tells him, trying her best to sound apologetic when she really isn't. She wants to sock him in the face, actually. More than anything she just wants the red light to turn green already and for these damn cars to stop. "We don't want to keep our friends waiting."

He's persistent, though. "Oh, come on, baby. It'll just be a few rounds, I promise! I'll pay for your drinks too, if you want."

"I'm sorry but I really don't want to—"

"You don't really mean that, do you? Come on, even just for a bit," he insists more aggressively this time. He moves to reach out for Jiwoo when Sooyoung roughly takes Jiwoo's hand in hers and tugs her behind her, shifting them around so that now she's the one facing the sleazebag. With a voice that drips ice cold and vicious, Sooyoung growls at the guy, " _Fuck off_."

Cold. Harsh. _Effective_. The boys are startled and Jiwoo almost faints.

Just like that the red light turns green and Sooyoung says to Jiwoo, "Come on, let's go," leading Jiwoo by her hand. Jiwoo follows mutely and it begins to sink in that _holy shit_ , Sooyoung is holding her hand. Despite how stunned she is right now, she marvels at how soft Sooyoung's hand is and how perfectly it fits with hers. The entire walk across the street and to the _tteokbokki_  shop is a blur to Jiwoo because all she can think of is Sooyoung holding her hand and Sooyoung standing up for her.

 _Heejin_ , Jiwoo thinks through the buzz of other thoughts that buzz around her mind at a million miles per hour. _I need to text Heejin about this otherwise I'm going to explode_.

They're near their destination when Sooyoung stops and turns around to face Jiwoo. Her face is crumpled into a pronounced but concerned frown as she asks with a gentleness that goes against the tension her body language conveys, "You okay?"

Jiwoo gulps and she manages a weak, "Yeah."

_She's still holding my hand. Fuck. Oh my God. I'm—_

"You sure?" Sooyoung purses her lips. "You look pretty shaken."

Jiwoo wonders what Sooyoung would think if she told her that she looks like this because she can't believe Sooyoung is actually holding her hand. That Sooyoung is so genuinely concerned for her. That Sooyoung just... _Sooyoung_. "Y-yeah, I'm okay, really. I guess I just got a little...shocked by how forward he was being."

"He was being an asshole, that's what," Sooyoung grumbles. She relaxes after that though and (sadly) lets Jiwoo's hand slip out of her grasp. "Come on. I'm sure Jungeun and Haseul are wondering where we went."

Jiwoo nods. She follows behind Sooyoung and it's difficult to fight back the aching need to reach out and take Sooyoung's hand back in hers. She's in a sort of daze again until she remembers: _Heejin_. She hurriedly whips out her phone from her jacket pocket and, with shaky hands that threaten to drop her phone in any second, she types—

Heekkie  
  
HEEJIN SAHKSAHK  
  
SHEHS HELDP MY AHDN  
  
WHOA WAIT IS THIS IN THE ROMANTIC SENSE OR,,  
  
threre was thsi guy who uh went up t me and was trying to hit on me or something and she basically todl him to fuck off shakjsa  
  
HEEJIN SHE  
  
SHE!!!  
  
god even //i// swooned holy shit  
  
IF YOU DON'T MARRY HER I'M GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU  
  
hyunjin says congrats btw  
  
I CNAT BBEATHERE I WANND IE  
  
don't go doing that now or else sooyoung's efforts would have gone to waste  
  
remember you still have to marry her u can't do that if ur dead!!!1  
  
i htae uyou  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chuu voice] OH SOOYOUNG YOU'RE SO FINE YOU'RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND HEY SOOYOUNG
> 
> This turned out a little longer than previous chapters, heh. How's your week been, everyone? I hope it's been a good one and if not, that the days to come are even better ^^
> 
> Comments & kudos are lovely and always appreciated!


	5. melting (you're like a daydream)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She really can't _not_ think of Jiwoo, can she? At this point it's proving virtually impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> — **prompt** : the space between dream and reality  
> #6 from [30kisses](http://30kisses.livejournal.com/262235.html).
> 
> Title taken from '[Melting](https://open.spotify.com/track/2kSb3wYSOV996xA2NSmpck?si=pQUdEnYFQOq_xWtbJx5yWQ)' by Kali Uchis.

Sooyoung wonders how long it will take before she forgets what it feels like to hold Jiwoo's hand in hers, wonders if her valiant effort to _not_  forget will at least prolong the memory's life. Jiwoo's touch burned white-hot against her skin but now it feels like it had all been a vivid fever dream. She remembers everything else perfectly fine: the shock etched into every feature of Jiwoo's face, the bubble of anger that erupted in her chest, the intense feeling of protectiveness overwhelmed her. But all she's left with is the ghost of Jiwoo's touch and it only gets fainter and fainter with every minute that passes no matter how hard Sooyoung tries to hold on to it.

_The only way you'll ever get to know that feeling again is if you hold her hand again._

And that's the thing: she'll never know peace until she gets to take Jiwoo's hand in hers again marvel at how perfectly they fit together, like puzzle pieces. She'll never know peace because she knows she will never be satisfied with just _that_. She wants more. She  _needs_ more.

If she really thinks about it, it shouldn't be so hard to ask Jiwoo if she wanted to go out for some coffee or even out to a movie. Friends do that, and she and Jiwoo count as friends, right? There's also always the perfect excuse of just wanting to be a good fellow dormer and helping the new girl feel more welcomed. Hell, she could actually just go to Jiwoo's room under the guise of asking for her speakers back (she's suddenly glad she forgot to ask that night after dinner) and drop in a "Oh, hey, wanna get some coffee?" or whatever. 

It should all be so easy but _why isn't it_.

Yeojin clears her throat and says, "Uh, so did I get the answer right or should I do this problem again?"

Sooyoung blinks. She's roughly yanked by the ankles from cloud nine back down to earth and suddenly what's staring back at her is a math problem and not the image of Jiwoo's face that's been burned so deeply into the back of her eyelids. It takes a few more seconds for everything to sink in and, blinking again, she looks up at Yeojin and replies, "Give me, uh, a second to go over it again."

"You were glaring at it for so long that I thought I messed it up big time," Yeojin sighs. How long did Yeojin mean by 'so long'? Sooyoung doesn't know if she wants to find out or not. "Like, I know I'm horrible at math but boy, I thought I royally fucked it up this time around."

"Language, Yeojin," Sooyoung scolds halfheartedly.

"Real hypocritical of you, don't you think?"

"I'm going to ignore that." Sooyoung goes over Yeojin's solution, letting her mind do all the number crunching, and when she's done she slides the worksheet back to Yeojin, saying, "You're almost there. Just go over your solution and try to see where you went wrong."

Yeojin groans, "My brain is _exhausted_! Can't we just call it a day already?"

"Just go over this problem one more time and _then_  we'll call it a day." When Yeojin tries to get her way by stubbornly pouting at her, Sooyoung sighs, " _Fine_. We'll take a five-minute break."

"Ten minutes...?" Yeojin tries to haggle, smiling hopefully.

Sooyoung shakes her head. "Five minutes."

Yeojin lets out a _hmph!_  but as she gets up from her chair, stretching her arms above her head, she asks Sooyoung, "Do you want anything from the vending machine?"

"Some coffee would be nice," Sooyoung answers. Yeojin gives her two thumbs up and skips away.

Sooyoung started tutoring Yeojin as a favor to Haseul. Yeojin is a good kid, kind of a smartass sometimes, but she's generally harmless and means well. Sooyoung likes her and so do Jinsol and Jungeun who, despite all their teasing, also dote on Yeojin relentlessly. Yeojin takes it all in like a good sport and it's clear to see that she enjoys being treated like the official baby of the group. 

Yeojin comes back with two cans of iced coffee in her hands. She hands one to Sooyoung. "Not to state the obvious or anything, but you look really distracted."

"I just have some stuff on my mind," Sooyoung mumbles. She sips on the coffee and, even though she's always preferred _real_ coffee over these mass-manufactured and ready-to-drink types (to the point that Jungeun would call it 'pretentious coffee elitism'), she's thankful for the caffeine all the same. She'll take what she can get. "Plus, I just came from a class so I'm kinda tired."

Yeojin doesn't miss the opportunity to say, "See? More reason for us to call it a day! I'm sure _your_  brain must hurt as much as mine does right now."

"Nice try, kid," Sooyoung rolls her eyes. She sets aside her can of coffee. "Trust me, you almost got the question right. You just made a tiny mistake in one of the steps of the solution, so just go over it one more time and you should be able to get the right answer."

"Why do I even need to take math?" Yeojin cradles her chin on her hands. Her eyes are drooping and she yawns. Sooyoung almost feels bad for not just letting the kid go home. "It's not like I'm gonna use this nonsense in real life. Is the cashier at McDonald's going to make me draw a parabola or something before I'm allowed to order a burger? No!"

That cracks Sooyoung up, so she reaches over and ruffles Yeojin's hair fondly. "Come on, let's get through this last one and we can go home. I'll even treat you to McDonald's—no parabolas needed."

It does the trick. Yeojin yanks the worksheet and immediately gets back to work, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth in concentration. Without anything to do until Yeojin finishes re-answering the problem or until Yeojin needs to ask her a question, Sooyoung cups her cheeks in her hands and stares out the window.

The sun has long gone down; it's dark outside now, the (albeit sparse) stars spread across the sky like freckles. There is a blanket of calm that's wrapped itself around the campus, the way it always does at the end of a long day of lectures, running from building to building and meeting deadlines. The campus is lovely at night and Sooyoung always enjoyed walking back to the dorm at times like this. There are less people, for one, and it's far more quiet. It's peaceful and who doesn't want some peace and quiet after a long day of school? Sooyoung needs it, needs _a whole lot_ of it.

It's so quiet in the library that Sooyoung can hear the scratch of Yeojin's pencil against the piece of paper she's writing on. The sound begins to become more and more distant as Sooyoung's mind begins to wander.

She imagines herself walking down the same route she always takes on the way back to the dorm. The only sound will be the sound of her footsteps and the occasional purr of the engine of a car that drives by, the sound of rubber tires on gravel. She'll listen to the rustle of leaves as a gust of wind passes through the trees. Her shoulders and her legs feel heavy, tired, but for a moment all these will be soothed by the calm of the night. There's no need to rush now, so she'll take her time walking back to the dorm, taking in everything around her as if she were a freshman again and this was her first time exploring all the nooks and crannies of the university campus. It will comfort her, as it always does, this once strange campus that she's come to call her home away from home.

But maybe she won't be all alone this time. Sooyoung allows herself to paint the idea into a full picture:

She'll be walking side by side with another girl. A girl much smaller than her, their elbows knocking against each other. They'll be laughing about something Sooyoung said, probably a story of one of Jungeun's many antics or maybe Sooyoung will be talking about Yeojin and _her_  many antics. The girl's eyes curve into half-moons as she smiles, and her laugh is as light as the sound of wind chimes. Silence will fall between them and, heart pounding against her chest, Sooyoung will timidly reach for her companion's hand and she'll gently intertwine their fingers. They'll both be blushing while simultaneously pretending they aren't, but they'll also both be giddy about it. They don't need to say anything because everything will be perfect as is.

They won't let go of each other's hands even when they reach the building of the women's dorm. Sooyoung will say, _I'll walk you to your room_ , and the girl will nod, blushing. She's pretty when she blushes. It's won't be a very long walk to the fourth floor, much to both of their disappointment, but it's okay. There'll still be tomorrow, after all. And the next day, and the next, and the next. They have all the time in the world to talk and laugh and be in comfortable silence together.

They'll stop in front of her room. _407_ , the sign tacked onto the door will say. They'll stop in front of the door and, with a thumping heart, Sooyoung will close the distance between them, throwing all caution and inhibition to the wind and will touch their lips together in a soft kiss. 

Sooyoung wonders what it must feel like, taste like, to kiss Jiwoo. 

Yeojin's voice snaps Sooyoung out of her trance when she says, "There you go again."

Sooyoung blushes beet-red, guilty of thinking the things she's been thinking even though Yeojin is completely oblivious to everything. It's like being caught in the act of a crime when the worst Sooyoung's ever done is  thought of wanting to hold Jiwoo's hand and to kiss her. She clears her throat and gruffly lies, "I'm just tired, is all." Before Yeojin can remark on that, she adds, "Did you, uh, find the answer to the problem?"

Yeojin narrows her eyes suspiciously at Sooyoung but she hands the worksheet to her all the same, saying, "Yeah, I think so. I _hope_  so. I don't think I can take five seconds more of this."

Sooyoung buries her face behind the curtain of her hair, effectively hiding how red in the face she still is. Though her mind is still frazzled and she still wants to kick herself in the face for letting her imagination run as wild as it did, she manages to go through Yeojin's revised solution and, looking up at Yeojin, beams, "You got it!"

Had they not been in the library, Yeojin would have leapt out of her seat and let out a victory cry. As such, she just pumps her fist up in the air and tries to modulate her voice as she says, " _Fuck math, let's go to McDonald's!_ "

There's a skip to Yeojin's steps as they exit the library. It's almost as if she wasn't just complaining a few minutes ago about how tired she was and how she didn't want to do any more math problems ever again for the rest of her life. Sooyoung's lets Yeojin walk ahead of her; she knows Yeojin's McDonald's-motivated adrenaline will take a nosedive soon enough, so she doesn't need to match her pace right now exactly. It happens a lot sooner than Sooyoung had expected though. They're only a few hundred meters away from the library when Yeojin begins to slow down until she and Sooyoung fall into step with each other.

It's clear to see how tired the both of them are because not a word passes between them. That is, until Yeojin suddenly asks, "Hey, is something bothering you?" 

Sooyoung forces herself to look Yeojin in the eye as she answers, "No. Why would you think that?" She throws in a chuckle of disbelief for added effect, something like 'Oh, Yeojin, you foolish child' or whatever. "I told you, right? It's nothing. I'm just a little tired."

"You kept spacing out earlier," Yeojin explains candidly. "You're never like that. Out of anyone I know, you've got to be the most, like, _hyperfocused,_ even when you look tired. So, I don't know," she shrugs, "I guess it was just weird seeing you drift off like that."

_I never knew she was_ this _observant_. Sooyoung manages a smile as she replies, "It was nothing, I promise. I just had a really long day."

"You don't have any problems bugging you right now, do you?" Yeojin asks more meekly this time, eyes filled with concern, but with just as much persistence.

Sooyoung smiles at that, touched by Yeojin's genuine concern. She nudges at Yeojin's side with her elbow as she jokes, "You getting soft now, Yeojin?"

"I am _not_ ," Yeojin puffs out her cheeks indignantly. "I was just asking you like any decent human person would!"

"You're starting to sound more and more like Jungeun," Sooyoung laughs. She fondly pinches Yeojin's cheek, eliciting a groan of complaints from the younger girl. "But seriously, I'm okay. The great Ha Sooyoung gets tied sometimes and loses focus too, you know."

Yeojin wrinkles her nose in distaste. "You really just referred to yourself in third person. That was really lame of you, you know."

"The great Ha Sooyoung can be lame sometimes too."

" _Ugh_. Please stop," Yeojin groans, making Sooyoung laugh some more. "You're being so weird!" She pulls herself away from Sooyoung and, having regained some of her energy, starts skipping ahead again. Over her shoulder she says, "Come on, grandma! You still need to feed me!"

Sooyoung shakes her head, still smiling. She'll let the 'grandma' thing slide for now. She walks a little faster but again doesn't try to catch up with Yeojin because Yeojin will tire out again eventually. She keeps her eyes on the younger girl's back as she walks, sleepiness finally catching up on her almost as fast as her thoughts about Jiwoo.

She really can't _not_  think of Jiwoo, can she? At this point it's proving virtually impossible.

Soon enough she's going to have to tell _someone_  about this situation she's got. At the same time though, she isn't really sure how to put any of it into words. Are there even any words adequate enough to capture _everything_  she's feeling now? Are there any adjectives she can even use to describe Jiwoo and the crazy effect she has on Sooyoung? The answer to both those questions is _no_ , at least for now anyway. Sooyoung can barely comprehend any of this herself right now so it would be futile trying to explain it to someone else, even the people who are used to and understand 'Sooyoung Speak' like Haseul or Jungeun.

_But it feels nice_ , a part of her whispers. _It's confusing and even a little embarrassing, but it feels...nice to just really like someone_.

Sure, she's stumbling all over herself because of Jiwoo, the girl who flooded the laundry room and was worried about giving her cookies because what if she was allergic to chocolates and _God_ , this is all so ridiculous but Sooyoung can't help but like Jiwoo anyway. And yeah, fine, it _does_  feel nice. It's been a while since she last felt this with anyone and she's honestly glad to be reminded of how _good_ it feels.

She thinks back to her little daydream earlier. It was all so vivid, so _real_. It _felt_ real, anyway, so real it appeared more like a memory than just some fantasy she spun out of thin air. It didn't feel like a daydream, which is funny considering how to Sooyoung, Jiwoo sometimes still feels like one. 

Sooyoung feels like she's stuck in the in-between—that point right in the middle of dream and reality, between what she wants with Jiwoo and what she has now, that sweet spot where the two begin to melt into each other—teetering on the edge of something important and something that could be so, so _real_  if she just got her shit together fast enough and finally _did something_  about it.

Yeojin turns around and calls, " _I might just starve to death if you don't walk any faster! Haseul won't be happy about_ that _!_ " Sooyoung rolls her eyes and replies, "Yah, you're so impatient!" as she picks up her pace.

She doesn't have it figured out yet right now, but she will eventually—she hopes to God or whatever higher power is up there that she will. Until then, though, she'll just have to learn to navigate this space between dream and reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost 3 am here, so I suppose that should explain whatever this turned out to be.
> 
> But anyway:
> 
> Comments & kudos are lovely and always appreciated!
> 
> -
> 
> [EDIT] Hello! I forgot to add this when I made the changes but the work skin I used to create the iOS text message template/effect/whatever is from [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6434845/chapters/14729722) helpful guide! There's also a number of other guides/tutorials by that same person (or those same people) [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/458134).
> 
> -
> 
> [EDIT] So this happened:
> 
>  
> 
> It's been a month since the last update ;;; I promise to update once I've got enough space to think about fic. Hopefully by the end of March or, like, April, I'll be able to write something quick.
> 
> Thank you always for your support! ♡


	6. rocket #9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not what you'd call 'starting the day right'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **\- prompt:**
> 
> “I might as well be reaching for the moon.” 
> 
> “The moon? Oh, you young people! You are so old-fashioned. Have you not heard? We are building rockets to reach the moon!” 
> 
> (Sabrina, 1954)
> 
> -
> 
> Title from 'Venus', by Lady Gaga.

 

Heekkie  
  
jiwoo!!! where tf are u? thought u were gonna have breakfast with me and hyunjin  
  
we're here at the cafe already do you want us to order you anything? will you still come or should we just meet you at school?  
  
sis don't you have class at this time pls tell me you're in class and not dead asleep  
  
convinced you're dead rn  
  
are you dead  
  
hey remember when you told me i could keep your collection of pokemon cards if ever you like died or whatever? we're still going with that, right  
  
jiwoo's parents, if you're reading this: you can mail me her collection of pokemon cards whenever you're free. i can send you the details of my address xx  
  
OH MY GOD BITCH CAN YOU REPLY IT'S LIKE I'M TALKING TO THE ABYSS EXCEPT I'M EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THE ABYSS SO I NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S OKAY

Jiwoo shoves her phone under her pillow and lets out a pained groan. This is not what you'd call 'starting the day right'.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd wake up at all," Chaewon, her roommate, comments from her side of the room. Jiwoo wonders if she's gotten any sleep because she looks almost the same as she did the night before, glasses slipping down the bridge of her nose and hair pulled up into a messy bun as she types away furiously on her laptop. Chaewon said she had to cram a paper that she didn't know was due the next day (er, today) and the shitty part about that was that it was supposed to be done by pairs but her partner was MIA the entire week, so Chaewon had to take it upon herself to write the entire thing on her own. Chaewon adds, "You slept through all six of your very loud alarms, in case you were wondering."

Jiwoo decides that maybe Chaewon hadn't gotten sleep after all because of the excessive sarcasm. She forces herself to sit up on her bed, rubbing her eyes. "Yeah, sorry. I've just got a really nasty headache right now and I just...cannot."

In fact, this headache's been bothering Jiwoo since yesterday. She's not even sure why her head is literally about to split itself open in half. Getting through her classes yesterday was near impossible, but that can't even compare to how difficult it is to get out of bed right now. She knows she's slept through her back-to-back morning classes but she can't find it in herself to feel too bad about it right now because she knows that if she went, she wouldn't have been able to pay attention anyway. Well, okay, she does feel bad about blotching her otherwise perfect attendance for these two classes but she'd feel even worse if she went to class totally out of it. All this thinking only makes her head hurt more so she massages her temple, grumbling complaints under her breath.

"Do you have medicine for that?" Chaewon asks, concerned but also tired. "I can look around to see if I have some, if you need, I mean."

"No, no. It's fine," Jiwoo replies. She fishes her phone out from under her pillow. "I think I'm about to get my period or something. Sometimes I get really bad headaches out of nowhere and it turns out they were, like, some omen or something that I'd be getting my period soon."

"Yikes," Chaewon grimaces. "It probably isn't worth much, but good luck, my dude."

"Thanks, Chae," Jiwoo smiles. "What about you, though? How're you holding up? Did you get any sleep?"

It's like watching Chaewon's soul leave her body. Chaewon heaves a heavy sigh and says, "Well, my partner finally decided to integrate herself back into society, but it isn't really worth much because I was still the one who finished the paper and all she's gonna do is print it."

"Your partner sounds like a nightmare."

"She is," Chaewon wrinkles her nose in disgust. She isn't so sly though when she mumbles to herself, "She's lucky she's cute," speaking loud enough for Jiwoo to hear her. She catches Jiwoo cock a brow at her, lips curling into a knowing smile, and, with cheeks burning, she snaps, "What? Stop looking at me like that!"

"It's like watching a hate-to-love fanfic unfold before my very own eyes," Jiwoo teases, making Chaewon whine at her some more to shut up. It only makes Jiwoo coo fondly, "You're so cute when you're flustered!"

Chaewon pouts at her and huffs, "It's not like I _like_  her. She's literally so annoying that I'd be an idiot to even consider dating her."

"Sure sounds like you've thought a lot about this, though," Jiwoo continues teasing. "I mean, for you to even say that means you've gone over this in your head enough to come to that conclusion."

"Real rich coming from you," Chaewon retorts. Perhaps a point has been made. "Besides, that doesn't even make any sense, Ms. 'I pretended to have a presentation just so I could have an excuse to talk to my crush.'"

It's Jiwoo's turn to blush. She playfully throws one of her pillows at Chaewon, who simply catches it with one hand and throws it right back.

Chaewon gets up from her bed, setting her laptop aside, and walks to her cabinet. "You should probably get something to eat. I still have some food left in the kitchen if you want some," she tells Jiwoo as she pulls some clothes, her towel and toiletries out. "You know how my mom always lets me pack extra just so you're kept fed too."

Chaewon's mom did have a particular fondness for Jiwoo, though Jiwoo supposes she's just like that with everyone her daughter happens to befriend. "I love your mom."

"It goes without saying that she loves you too," Chaewon scoffs before she disappears into the bathroom.

Jiwoo fixes her bed before she makes her way to the common kitchen. As she walks, she suddenly remembers that she should probably reply to Heejin's texts. She writes, 

 

hi sorry i have like a really bad headache rn so i just skipped my morning classes :( sorry for worrying u tho!!

It doesn't take long for Heejin to reply,

 

omg you little shit!! are you feeling better now tho? do you have medicine for that? how bad is it???

Jiwoo chuckles to herself. Heejin is like that one big dog that still thinks she's small, but sometimes she could be such a mother hen towards Jiwoo and her other friends too. It's a strange but loveable mix of traits for an often strange but always loveable person like Heejin.

relax MOM it's pretty bad but i'll manage just fine!!! gonna eat like brunch first then i'll attend my afternoon classes  
  
you're lucky your roommate's mom feeds you as if you were her own child  
  
just tell me if you ever need anything tho!! ♡♡♡♡♡ get well soon, tiny one!

The common kitchen, which also served as the main dining area, is empty when Jiwoo enters. She goes through the first refrigerator to look for Chaewon's food, doesn't find it there, then moves to the second refrigerator. Chaewon never took out the tupperwares of food out of the plastic bags her mom placed them in, which makes it easier for Jiwoo to pick out Chaewon's food from the other dormers'.

Jiwoo idly watches the microwave as she heats herself a plate of the beef Mrs. Park packed for Chaewon (or, well, Chaewon and Jiwoo). Her mind is beginning to drift off when she hears two people talking and laughing down the hallway, their voices getting louder and clearer as they approach the kitchen:

"...yeah, well at least he doesn't dress like he genuinely believes in free markets. You should have seen this guy!"

"Oh, come on. He couldn't have been that bad."

Jiwoo frowns as she tilts her head towards the direction of the voices. The voice sounded all too familiar to her, and if her ears weren't fooling her...

"You act like you've never seen the snotty business major boys here. They're all a bunch of—"

_Ding!_  Jiwoo's breath catches in her throat.

Jungeun breaks into a big grin instantly when she sees Jiwoo, enthusiastic as can be, but Sooyoung is her usual enigmatic self, not unfriendly but not as warm as Jungeun, as she cocks a brow at Jiwoo.

"What 'chu got in here? Smells delicious," Jungeun remarks as she opens the lid of the microwave, paying no mind to Jiwoo at all. Her mouth forms a wide 'O'. "Beef!  _Real_  beef!"

Sooyoung snorts, "Stop stealing people's food. You aren't a fucking raccoon." She turns to Jiwoo and, with a small smile, greets, "Hey."

"Hey," Jiwoo squeaks. She clears her throat. "Haven't seen you around much."

Sooyoung sighs, then chuckles as she watches Jungeun struggle to get the hot plate out of the microwave. "Been spending a lot of time at the library. Sometimes I just have an easier time focusing there than here. That, and there's this kid I'm tutoring as a favor to Haseul so..." She shrugs. Sooyoung looks at Jiwoo far too long for Jiwoo's comfort before she says, "No class?"

Jiwoo moves aside as Jungeun sets the plate down on the table. "I have a class later, but I didn't get to attend my morning classes."

"Why not?" Sooyoung asks, the muscles of her face barely moving an inch even though the tone of her voice suggests she's genuinely interested to know. Jiwoo wonders how she's ever going to survive her crush on Sooyoung when she could barely make sense of the girl. "You're not sick or anything, are you?"

"Don't worry," Jungeun tells Jiwoo as she chews on the food in her mouth, "sometimes Sooyoung has a heart and actually, like, _cares_."

Jiwoo rubs the back of her neck, weakly chuckling, "No, I'm fine. I just had a really bad headache last night and this morning, so I couldn't get myself out of bed."

Jungeun hands the chopsticks— _Jiwoo's_ chopsticks—to Jiwoo and says, "Let me guess: you're about to get your period."

"Oh, wow. You get headaches too?" Jiwoo shoves some beef into her mouth, her entire body soaring through the clouds, heart filled with gratitude towards Mrs. Park and her talent for cooking. Once she brings herself back down from cloud nine, she adds, "I thought I was the only one. How'd you guess, though? I mean, I haven't gotten it yet but the sudden headaches are usually a telling sign."

Sooyoung answers, "It's really not weird for, I don't know, most if not all of us here to get our periods around the same time. What was the word for it? Syncing, or something to that effect."

"I started mine just yesterday," Jungeun supplies very informatively, as if she were giving a TED Talk. "Sooyoung should get hers any day now, maybe before the end of this week."

"Thanks for telling her things she probably never needed to know," Sooyoung says flatly to Jungeun. Jungeun just flashes her a smile.

It's interesting to watch how Sooyoung interacts with Jungeun, and even with Haseul. Jiwoo always sees glimpses of playfulness there, and it makes her think that maybe Sooyoung is even more openly weird or goofy or just  _herself_ when she's with them only and not with them _but_   _in front of Jiwoo._ It bums Jiwoo out but she catches herself; she had no reason to be sad about Sooyoung being naturally more comfortable around people she's known much longer than she's known Jiwoo, and Sooyoung didn't really seem like the overly warm and affectionate type like Heejin or Haseul to begin with. Yet despite all that, Sooyoung has been nothing but nice to her, and let's not forget that she looked ready to maul that boy alive for bothering Jiwoo.

Maybe it's just the Crush Goggles making her see something wrong where there isn't anything wrong. But then again, who  _wouldn't_ want their crush to be Super Comfortable around them, right? It's a whole better alternative to having to understand what even goes on in their heads.

They talk about a number of other things, with Jungeun talking about the boy she was telling Sooyoung about earlier ("You should have seen it, Jiwoo; my girlfriend, Jinsol, wouldn't harm even a _fly_ but the she had bloody murder in her eyes with that guy. Not gonna lie, though: it was pretty hot."), leaving Sooyoung and Jiwoo laughing their asses off. Jiwoo tries not to make it too obvious that she dies a little on the inside every time Sooyoung so much as breathes towards her direction (not that Sooyoung probably even notices anyway).

When Jiwoo finishes her food (and it helps mitigate the Pain and Suffering brought on by her pounding headache, making her think that maybe all she had to do was eat), she brings her plate and chopsticks to the sink. "I'll go ahead," Jungeun says, throwing a peace sign at Jiwoo and Sooyoung before she leaves the room. Which means Jiwoo is left all alone with Sooyoung. Great.

Jiwoo is aware of how awfully rigid her entire back is right now, of how tense she feels being all alone in a room with Sooyoung. She distracts herself by washing her dishes with a peculiar intensity, as if she were angry at the thing. She successfully manages to keep all of her focus and attention on her work until Sooyoung suddenly asks, "Do you do everything like that?"

Jiwoo freezes, soapy sponge in one hand and plate in another. She places them back in the sink, turns off the faucet and faces Sooyoung, completely embarrassed at how self-conscious she feels right now. She cautiously asks back, "Uh, what do you mean?"

It's strange to watch Sooyoung's usually well-composed demeanor crumble just like that. She doesn't make a spectacle of it, of course, but Jiwoo can see it in the way Sooyoung clears her throat and looks anywhere but at Jiwoo. While Jiwoo is trying to wrap her mind around what's happening, Sooyoung sheepishly explains, "No, no. It's...it's nothing _bad_ ,  I promise. I just meant..." She furrows her brows as she gropes for the right words. "I remember watching you mop the floor that time in the laundry room"— _Oh my God,_  Jiwoo laments internally, _why does she have to remember all of that?—"_ and I couldn't help but think that there was something kind of earnest in how you were doing it all."

Embarrassment aside, Jiwoo asks, just as confused, "Earnest?"

Sooyoung quirks her lips. "Well, maybe not _earnest_  per se, but you're kind of..." Her lips curl into an amused but otherwise fond smile. "You're kind of intense."

" _Intense?_ " Now _that's_  something Jiwoo doesn't hear everyday, especially about herself. 

"Hey, to be fair, prior to you, I've never seen anyone mop the floor like she _meant it_ ," Sooyoung jokes, chuckling to herself. "Really, it's not a bad thing at all. It's just something I observed and...I don't know, I guess I find it pretty interesting."

"Did I look like I was about to break my plate or something?" Jiwoo quips, but she isn't prepared for Sooyoung's response: "It sure looked like you wanted to have some words with it." They fall into laughter together and Jiwoo forgets ever feeling awkward or tense about being all alone with the other girl.

Sooyoung waits until Jiwoo's placed her plate at the dish rack before she says, "Hey, I gotta go now. I've got a consultation with one of my professors. But"—she smiles—"if you need any medicine or anything, just tell me. My mom works for a pharmaceutical too so if you need anything I _don't_  have on me, just tell me and I can ask her to send some." 

Jiwoo blushes and stammers, "O-oh, no, really! It's fine. It was just a bad headache and possibly my period. Nothing I can't handle."

"Offer still stands," Sooyoung replies as warmly as one Ha Sooyoung can get. Which is, surprisingly, very warm. Jiwoo wants to melt right on the spot she's standing on right now.

Jiwoo watches as Sooyoung leaves, offering a small wave to her on her way out. When the coast is clear, Jiwoo lets out the breath she didn't realize she was holding in the entire time, and she leans back against the counter top. She didn't want to be that lovesick loser sighing about her crush, but here she is, the lovesick loser sighing about her crush. 

She looks over to the clock on the other side of the room to check the time and, before she can even make another move, she nearly leaps out of her skin when Sooyoung suddenly pops back in out of nowhere and asks, "Do you want to go out for coffee some time?" When Jiwoo continues to stare at her in shock, she adds, "When you're, um, free. Whenever you're free." She does that look-anywhere-but-at-Jiwoo thing again.

It takes a few more seconds for Jiwoo to finally absorb everything. Then, finally able to move her mouth again, she nods, "Okay."

"Okay," Sooyoung repeats, mostly to herself, then she nods and offers a curt smile. "Okay. I'll see you around, Jiwoo."

Jiwoo gulps down the lump in her throat to reply, "Yeah, see you around," but Sooyoung's out of the door again before she even finishes her sentence. Left alone in complete silence again, she feels her soul literally leaving her body, feels herself crash through, like, all the known dimensions in the realm of metaphysics. Mostly, though, she can barely create any coherent thoughts because _didSooyoungjustaskheroutkindaOHMYGODHEEJIN—_

Jiwoo hurriedly whips out her phone and proceeds to report to her best friend what just happened. 

HEEJIAJSASJAKJGDAGJD SHE AKSNAKED IF EIW ANTED TO GETE OCOFFEE WITH REHE SOEMSE TUME  
  
 bitch isn't your head doing some olympic levels gymnastic splits right now how do you find the time to gay around  
  
but  
  
OH MY GOD YES  
  
OH MY GOODNESS  
  
SAKJSHAKJSHAK G E T  I T  J I W O O  
  


 Jiwoo clutches her phone to her chest and feels her head spin. Maybe it's the headache about to do another set of Olympic-level gymnastic splits, maybe it's Ha Sooyoung, maybe it's this new sense of hope blooming in her chest. Whatever it is, Jiwoo feels like she's on a rocket to the moon, which once felt so out of her reach. She finally allows herself to feel all the giddy there is to feel in the world and jumps up in joy, victoriously pumping her fist in the air, and hissing in pain when she feels a dull ache on the side of her head. She rubs her temple a bit then breaks into a big, goofy grin; she had the world (and the moon) in the palm of her hands now and nothing, not even this stupid headache, could stop her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, hasn't it? 2 months to be precise. I've been so busy with uni those past 2 months that I've barely had the time and space to write anything for this fic :( I guess it was just my luck that I got sick last week and had to force myself to slow down a little, because it also gave me the chance to go back to writing even just for a bit. I can't promise anything on when I'm gonna drop the next update, but hopefully soon.
> 
> Hope you guys have a wonderful day! Make sure to stream Egoist! Ka-CHOW


	7. 찌질이

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's about ten minutes left to this class and all Sooyoung can think of her is her coffee date later with Jiwoo. Physically, Sooyoung is in class but mentally, she might as well be on Mars.
> 
> Okay, cool.
> 
> ( _Not_ cool.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **\- prompt*:** i went on a date with a boy who had plans to take me to dinner and drinks. but he lost his wallet at a pizza place so we just walked around the neighborhood, sat in the park and talked. he was super embarrassed. 
> 
> Title from 'Shine', by Pentagon.
> 
>  
> 
> (*) I tweaked this a little (or a lot), so maybe 'prompt' isn't the appropriate word for it. at least not in this context. maybe 'inspired by' is better. but, you know, _semantics_.

There's about ten minutes left to this class and all Sooyoung can think of her is her coffee date later with Jiwoo. Physically, Sooyoung is in class but mentally, she might as well be on Mars.

Well, it's not really a date but—whatever. She still can't believe she finally asked Jiwoo out for a not-date, and all on a whim. She isn't sure what possessed her to even run back to the kitchen and do that, because surely the Totally Sane Sooyoung would never have done it. But That Sooyoung? She doesn't know who or what that is but...she got the job done, and now Sooyoung has a coffee not-date with Jiwoo.

Okay. Cool.

Fine, it's _not_ cool. Sooyoung feels herself getting nervous—giddy? excited?—again, for the nth time since she asked Jiwoo if she wanted to get coffee some time.

Life used to be much simpler before cute girls had to make it so fucking difficult for her to function.

Sooyoung anxiously chews on the cap of her ballpen before she stops herself, absolutely disgusted at herself. This was a nervous habit she grew out of in middle school, mostly because her mom would scold her to hell and back whenever she'd catch her doing it or when she saw Sooyoung's ballpens. How nervous did Sooyoung have to be for it to come back like that?

The professor barely notices that at least half of the class is asleep and the other half are just pretending to take notes on their laptops when actually, they were dicking around online or doing homework for their other classes. Sooyoung sits farther back in the class so she gets a clear view of what everyone else is doing while their professor has his back to them, scribbling away on the board as he drones on about...stuff. Sooyoung has no idea what he's talking about, but that's just a standard thing for this class in particular. She doubts her professor has any idea either.

Sooyoung's eyes flicker down to her phone. Immediately she thinks of three people to (very vaguely) talk to about how nervous she is: Haseul, Jinsol and Jungeun. She weighs the pros and cons: Haseul would catch on pretty quickly to Sooyoung's vagueing, busting her and her crush before she's even ready to tell her three closest friends about the Gay Panic she's in; Jungeun, for all of the bullshit she spewed out, is equally as sharp and would never let Sooyoung live once she puts two and two together; and Jinsol, although the dopiest and most seemingly oblivious of the three, knows Sooyoung sometimes better than she even knows herself and would eventually catch on. The common denominator here is that all of them would figure it out soon enough but her best shot is probably Jinsol.

Sooyoung purses her lips.

jinsol  
  
jinsol  
  
jinsol  
  
jinsol

Her eyes dart back and forth between the front of the classroom and her phone, held in her hand with a vice grip. Her professor turns around to address the class briefly before he goes back to writing on the board. Sooyoung could burn holes through her phone with how hard she's glaring down at it. Then, finally, Jinsol replies,

damn sis relax  
  
what's up?

Sooyoung finally lets herself breathe. She stops to think about what she's going to say, or how she's going to be as vague as possible about this without getting caught in a lie by Jinsol. She uses one of the oldest tricks in the book. 

so i have this friend  
  
who has girl problems  
  
girl problems meaning...?  
  
more context pls  
  
this friend of mine was set up on a date with her crush and she's kinda panicking about it  
  
oh okay. that's understandable! any normal person would feel just as nervous  
  
how's she holding up

Sooyoung feels her face heat up.

not very good  
  
AW POOR BB :'^(  
  
tell her i said good luck!

Jung Jinsol, consistently unbelievable,

sis i texted you to ask for advice

not that her following messages are any more useful to Sooyoung than the last.

well all i can say is just be yourself!!!  
  
you can't go wrong with that  
  
actually you CAN but that's like...Whatever  
  
:)

Sooyoung frowns.

that's it?  
  
yeah i mean idk what else you want me to tell your friend lmao  
  
i don't really have much else to say to her other than just give it your best shot and for sure your date will see how genuine you're being or whatever. i'm sure she'll appreciate that.

How 'genuine' she's being? Sooyoung is starting to wish she'd just asked Haseul or even Jungeun. Beggars can't be choosers, though.

okay, i'll pass on your advice to my friend ^^ thanks, dude

The bell rings just as Sooyoung's reply finally sends.

Sooyoung decides to kill some time back at the dorm before her not-date with Jiwoo. Mostly, she just wants to walk off the jitters. It works, kind of. She keeps her eyes to the ground, brows furrowed as she mulls over everything and nothing.

_Why are girls confusing?_  Sooyoung ends up lamenting, fully aware of the irony of her dilemma. It's not like this is even her first time going out with a girl so there really is no reason for her to be such a baby about it.  _Why do they have to be like this?_

The lobby of the women's dorm building is empty when Sooyoung arrives. The ahjumma that mans the front desk is nowhere to be found, meaning she must be off watching that afternoon drama she likes so much.  The drama airs at a time when most of the dormers are still in class and a lot of them opt to stay late at the library or in coffee shops near campus to study, which of course works to the benefit of the ahjumma. Sooyoung does notice, however, a pretty raven-haired girl sitting by herself on one of the couches where guests usually waited. It takes that and the fact she's never seen this girl before for Sooyoung to know that this girl must be waiting for someone. She takes note of the almost uncomfortable expression on the girl's face, lips pursed, and the way she restlessly fiddles with the reusable shopping bag rested on top of her lap. You and me both, Sooyoung thinks mirthlessly.

There's nothing like the comfort of one's bed after a tiring day of lectures, consultations and being nervous about being alone with your crush for God knows how long. Sooyoung sighs comfortably, cheeks squished against her pillow. She wiggles her phone out of her jeans pocket to check the time to find that she's got about an hour and a half left before she has to meet Jiwoo at the coffee shop Jiwoo suggested they go to, the one she and Heejin "frequent a lot, mostly because the barista there kind of has a thing for Heejin and gives us free stuff because of it." Sooyoung really didn't need to know all of _that_ _—_ she would have been fine with literally anything—but it makes her fonder of Jiwoo all the same, so she's the real loser here.

Sooyoung begins to feel sleepy after a few minutes of aimlessly scrolling through all the social media apps she could possibly scroll through. Even if she's trying to fight it, her eyelids start to feel heavy. She forces herself to keep scrolling through her Instagram feed, even though she's probably scrolled through it to hell and back by now. Forcing herself to stare at her phone much longer only makes it worse though so before she knows it, her eyes flutter shut and she's completely knocked out.

 

* * *

 

The nap itself feels like it could have lasted anywhere between ten to fifteen minutes. It wasn't a particularly deep sleep, but Sooyoung wakes up feeling fairly refreshed. Everything is fine until Sooyoung checks her phone and her heart sinks to the deepest, darkest pits of hell and even further below that.

She's late. 

Death starts to feel like the best option Sooyoung's got when she sees the message Jiwoo sent her on Messenger—

hi! i'm here at the coffee shop ^^ I'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT  
  
omg sorry didn't mean to yell

—thirty minutes ago.

_Oh my God. Ha Sooyoung, you idiot, oh my God fucking, GOD—_

A fire has been lit up her ass and she leaps out of bed in panic, combing her fingers through her hair and patting down the creases on her clothes in an attempt to make herself more presentable. She nearly trips as she hurries from her bed to the mirror (okay, she's not looking too shabby or like it's evident she slept a little too long) and out the door in a frenzy. It's hard to keep her cool when she's literally half an hour late and all she cant think of is what if Jiwoo thinks she's been stood-up by Sooyoung? What if she thinks Sooyoung is a complete idiot for falling asleep like that? Sooyoung isn't sure at this point which is worse, but she does know she has to get her ass to that coffee shop pronto if she wants to save face.

By the time Sooyoung gets to the lobby, the front desk ahjumma is back, glasses slipping down the slope of her nose bridge as she reads a magazine. Sooyoung slows down her running to a brisk walk, equal parts to catch her breath and to appear Normal. That's when she notices that the girl from earlier, the awkward and uncomfortable but very pretty girl, is still seated on the couch. Sooyoung is conflicted but before she has more time to think about it, she changes course and walks towards the girl.

The girl looks up in surprise when Sooyoung walks up to her and asks, "You're still here?"

"Uh..." The girl's eyes flicker away from Sooyoung to the floor to the front desk ahjumma then back to Sooyoung. Sooyoung has never seen anyone look so uncomfortable.

_What your bitch face_ , Sooyoung hears Jungeun's voice in her head say, _and your, like, bitch everything_. Maybe she looked livid from how she'd been rushing or maybe she was just coming off too strong to this poor girl. Okay, the latter is definitely what's happening right now. In a more controlled tone, Sooyoung explains, "I saw you sitting here earlier. I didn't think you'd still be here, like, nearly two hours later."  _Oh my fucking God, I am so fucking late, what am I doing_. 

The girl blushes slightly as she replies, "I'm uh...I actually came back because the person I was waiting for hasn't come back yet."

Sooyoung looks at that same reusable shopping bag the girl has with her now. "Do you need to give her that?" she asks, gesturing to the bag.

"Yeah, I do," the girl replies. She looks down at it and half-purses, half-pouts her lips. "My mom and grandma felt bad so they told me to give this to my classmate, the girl I'm waiting for right now. I wasn't able to help her out with some paper because I had to take care of my grandma and I'm gonna get an earful of it if I—" She clears her throat. "Sorry. You probably didn't need all that information."

On the one hand, Sooyoung is genuinely curious about this whole scenario but on the other hand, she really needs to get her ass to where Jiwoo is so she suggests, "You could always just leave it with the ahjumma over there. Just tell her who it's for and she'll take care of it."

The girl pauses to think about it, looks down at the bag, then finally stands up. The girl is taller than her, just by a little bit, but all Sooyoung can think of now is that it's like looking at a dejected giant puppy. Jungeun had an absurdly annoying term for it—"uwu" (ugh, _God_ )—that she used unironically. Well, Sooyoung is beginning to understand what Jungeun means, or tries to mean, with that term.

"Thanks," the girl says. She offers a small smile. "My mom wanted me to give this to her myself but..." She shrugs.

Sooyoung smiles curtly before she says, "I'm actually running late for a...uh...meeting with a friend so I guess I'll see you around." The girl barely has time to say bye or wave goodbye because Sooyoung hurriedly walks away and out of the lobby entrance.

If there was a competition for power brisk walking, Sooyoung would be the champion, hands down. She has never walked faster in her entire life. She catches the way some people eye her curiously but pays them no mind. All she can think about is that she's late and that the last thing she wants Jiwoo to think she's been stood up, which, with every second that passes, becomes more and more likely. Sooyoung winces to herself when she passes by a store window and sees her disheveled hair. She pauses briefly to fix it before she continues walking, breathing a sigh of relief when she sees the shop sign outside her and Jiwoo's meeting place.

The coffee shop is abuzz with chatter when Sooyoung finally arrives. She takes a deep and much needed breath as she looks around for Jiwoo. It takes almost a whole minute for Sooyoung to finally spot her seated at a table farther back into the room, sipping on a frappe as she busies herself on her phone. Thank God, Sooyoung thinks. Patting down the creases and folds on her clothes one last time, she strides over to where Jiwoo is seated, trying to regain back her usual facade of calmness.

As Sooyoung nears the table, Jiwoo suddenly looks up from her phone. Her brows raise in surprise and Sooyoung weakly greets, "Hey."

Jiwoo blinks then, gathering herself, quickly replies, "Oh! Hi!" She quickly moves to take her bag off the chair she'd saved for Sooyoung, making the latter feel even worse than she already feels.

An awkward second of silence passes between them before Sooyoung finally sits herself down on the chair opposite Jiwoo and she sheepishly says, "I'm so sorry I was late. I went back to the dorm and fell asleep by accident but I, like, forgot to set an alarm." She ducks her head a little. "I'm sorry I made you wait so long for me."

"No, it's okay!" Jiwoo tries to reassure Sooyoung with a vehement shaking of her head. "Really! It honestly wasn't that bad a wait."

Sooyoung still feels like booboo the fucking fool but she tries to sprinkle some humor in by joking, "There's no need to lie, Jiwoo."

"Well..." Jiwoo chews on her lower lip (Sooyoung has to physically restrain herself from letting out a squeal) before she bashfully admits, "Okay, I guess I couldn't help but think that maybe you'd forgotten about it. You didn't reply to my message either even though I can see that you read it."

Right. Today is really not Sooyoung's day. "Shit. My bad. I'd just woken up from my nap when I saw it and I didn't think to reply first before I ran straight out of my room to here."

"You ran?" Jiwoo's eyes grow wide.

"Well, more like power brisk walked," Sooyoung tries to feign nonchalance.

Jiwoo doesn't look too impressed with Sooyoung's description. "Power brisk walk."

"That's a thing, yes."

"Really? Says who?"

Sooyoung can sense the playfulness and teasing in Jiwoo's voice, so she replies with the same tone, "Says me, that's who." Jiwoo giggles at that, much to Sooyoung's joy and much to the pain of her heart. "But really, I'm super sorry I made you wait so long. I can be such a mess sometimes."

"I find that kind of hard to believe actually." Jiwoo smiles. "You look—very put-together."

"I hope you're ready for disappointment then," Sooyoung quips, "because that's not always the case."

"I'm sure you're not that bad," Jiwoo says with so much sincerity that all Sooyoung can feel is the emotional equivalent of '????'. But it's not a bad thing, necessarily. Jiwoo asks, "Are you gonna order anything?"

"Oh, right. Yeah. What's good here?"

Jiwoo doesn't even pause to think about it. "I like pretty much everything, though I'm not much of a strong, straight-up coffee kind of person. I prefer the sweeter stuff."

"Helpful," Sooyoung teases lightly, then she gets up from her seat and adds, "I'll be back in a bit."

The barista looks up from the cashier and flashes Sooyoung a smile as she approaches. "Hi, what can I get you?"

"I'll have an Americano," Sooyoung replies, "with just a dash of vanilla syrup."

"Would you like anything else to go with that?" 

"No, thank you."

The barista presses a few buttons on the cashier and, looking back up at Sooyoung with that rehearsed-to-perfection smile, informs her, "That'll be ₩4,600."

Sooyoung reaches inside her jacket pocket for her wallet and, after a few seconds of fishing around, frowns when her hands grasp at nothing. She checks the pockets on the other side only to be met with the same result. What the. She tries not to make it painfully obvious about her dismay, briefly flashing a smile at the barista with a "Just give me a sec", as she hopelessly tries to pull her wallet out of thin air. Surely she must have some cash on her, right? Her jeans pockets turn out empty too, if not emptier than her jacket pockets.

The barista cocks one brow, betraying his politeness as he carefully asks, "Will you...still be pushing through with your order, miss?"

Sooyoung is glad that at least no one else was in line behind her. To be honest, this isn't the first time she's forgotten to bring money with her when she was out. The only difference is that all those other times, she was out with her friends and not Jiwoo, who she already made wait for her for almost an hour. Embarrassed but composed (or as composed as one can be in a situation like this), she answers, "Uh, no. I'll just cancel my order."

The barista nods, lips still pulled into a tight smile. Sooyoung walks back to her and Jiwoo's table, lips pursed as she avoids any further eye contact with the barista. 

Jiwoo doesn't fail to notice how coffee-less Sooyoung is. "You didn't get anything?" 

"Well..." Sooyoung hates herself, she really does. "Remember how I said I rushed here after my nap? I forgot to make sure I had my wallet or even just a handful of cash on me."

"Oh, no," Jiwoo murmurs, so genuinely concerned that all Sooyoung can feel is that same '???' kind of feel.

Sooyoung laughs thinly and tries to wave it off. "It's fine. I can do without it."

"I can pay for your coffee," Jiwoo offers. "You can just repay me later if you want, but I really don't need you to."

"No, it's okay, I'll just..." Sooyoung is unsure of how to finish her sentence, so she just waves her hands around vaguely.

"Sit around and watch me drink my frappe?" Jiwoo says, corners of her lips jumping up.

Sooyoung shrugs, smiling crookedly.

Jiwoo laughs. "It'll be awkward if you just sit there watching me finish my drink, so maybe we can..." She taps her chin with her finger as she thinks, and if that isn't the cutest thing Sooyoung has seen, she doesn't known what is. "Oh, we could just, you know, go around for a walk if you like. We have a lot of time to kill anyway."

Even though feels absolutely giddy at the thought, Sooyoung tries not to let her face betray any of her emotions. Time spent alone with Jiwoo is time spent alone with Jiwoo, after all, and she'll take what she can get. "Got any ideas where you want to go?" she asks, and her heart skips a beat at the way Jiwoo's eyes crinkle at the corners as she smiles.

 

* * *

 

The sky is a beautiful spectacle of orange fading into purple, the sun hiding behind the cover of the clouds, by the time Sooyoung and Jiwoo settle themselves down on one of the park benches. Jiwoo had insisted on buying some snacks for the both of them at a convenience store they stopped by at. Sooyoung takes another bite of her peel sausage while Jiwoo happily sips away at her second bottle of banana milk, the plastic bag with an array of other snacks resting by her thigh.

It's a comfortable kind of silence, although Sooyoung is trying to think of something to say to Jiwoo. She knows they could sit like this until they've finished all the snacks but she gets the feeling that Jiwoo is also probably trying to think of something to sat to replace the silence.

Sooyoung glances at Jiwoo from the corner of her eye. The other girl is watching the people that walk by them, a kind of thoughtfulness resting in her eyes. It makes Sooyoung second-guess suddenly breaking the silence but in the end she says, "Hey, you know, I saw this girl waiting at the dorm lobby earlier."

Jiwoo turns to Sooyoung, curious. "Who?"

"No one I know," Sooyoung replies with a shrug. "It was just funny because she was still there even after I woke up from my nap, so I thought she just sat there for almost two hours. Turns out she left then came back because the girl she was waiting for wasn't there yet, and apparently her mom wanted her to give whatever that was she had with her as a means to make up for something to that girl."

"She told you all that?" Jiwoo asks, amused. "I don't think you could have inferred all of that just by, you know, looking at her. Or at all, really."

"She rambled, is more like it," Sooyoung chuckles. "Said something about how she wasn't able to help the girl she was waiting for out on a paper or something because she had to take care of her grandma."

At that, Jiwoo pauses to think, brows furrowing and eyes narrowing. Then a thought hits Sooyoung: was Jiwoo the person that girl was waiting for? It goes without saying that Sooyoung thinks shit, she's got competition and her competition was really good-looking. Not that Sooyoung isn't confident in her own beauty, because she is ("Sometimes to the point of narcissism," Haseul would point out every now and then), but that girl sure as hell presented a strong case to woo Jiwoo away from Sooyoung if she wanted to. She stops herself from all of this assuming, however, and asks, "She sound familiar?"

Jiwoo tilts her head, pauses again, then with a small shake of her head she replies, "No, but she sounds a lot like someone my roommate was telling me about."

Sooyoung is ashamed of the wave of relief that washes over her. "Could be her, I don't know."

Jiwoo shrugs and agrees, "Yeah, maybe. My roommate was fuming about it, actually, if it is her after all."

"If it's worth anything, she did look like she felt bad about it. Assuming she's the same person your roommate was talking about, I mean."

Jiwoo smiles at that. They fall silent again for a bit; Sooyoung passes the wrapper of her peel sausage to Jiwoo when she finishes eating and Jiwoo passes back a bottle of banana milk. Sooyoung is about to pop the straw in when Jiwoo lets out an 'Ah!' and hurriedly reach for her big, unzipping it and pulling something out of it.

Sooyoung looks down in surprise at her speakers, which Jiwoo holds in front of her like a present. "Oh," she says. "I've completely forgotten about that." (She hasn't.)

"I finally remembered to give it back to you," Jiwoo explains bashfully. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

"Not as long as I made you wait, probably," Sooyoung jokes, taking the speakers in her free hand. "I still feel really bad about that, you know."

"Psh, there's no need for that." Jiwoo gives Sooyoung her most genuine smile.

They fall quiet again after that, each sipping on their bottles of banana milk (this is Jiwoo's third, which Sooyoung chuckles to herself about). Sooyoung decides that she's fine with this comfortable silence they have going on, deciding it's okay if they had nothing to talk about. Sooyoung is contented with getting to spend this much time alone with Jiwoo and, admittedly, she needed some quiet time after how busy she's been and how much busier she's sure to get. So this—this is nice.

It's completely dark out by the time they've finished most of the snacks Jiwoo bought. Sooyoung says, "Wanna head back to the dorm?", and Jiwoo nods. They dispose of the empty wrappers and banana milk bottles when they pass by a trashcan.

Jiwoo initiates the conversation on the way back, talking mostly about her shenanigans with her friend Heejin and the pros and cons of usually third-wheeling her and her girlfriend Hyunjin. Sooyoung talks about her own experiences of third-wheeling Jungeun and Jinsol, which she says is "essentially not even really me wanting to be around the two of them at the same time but more of me being forced to be around them when they're being all gross and mushy." They agree though that despite how disgusting Heejin and Hyunjin and Jungeun and Jinsol are respectively, they still love them to bits.

"Maybe we should set them up on a double date," Jiwoo suggests, to which Sooyoung snorts, "You sound like you want to initiate the end of the world as we know it."

They talk about a number of other things, like how Haseul and Jinsol were Sooyoung's first friends when she moved into the dorm freshman year, or how Jiwoo's roommate Chaewon could be such an awkward and nervous wreck but at the same time could be so unsparingly sarcastic when she wanted to be that you wouldn't think she was capable of being a shy mess. Sooyoung tells Jiwoo a little about Yeojin, whose mouth sometimes moved faster than her mind ever could, but is bright all the same and who Sooyoung is admittedly quite fond of even if she doesn't like to make it too obvious. 

"Are you feeling any better, by the way?" Sooyoung asks, remembering how the last time she spoke to Jiwoo, the other girl had a bad case of headaches.

Jiwoo nods, "Yeah, though I was right about my guess. I got my period the next day and it was just my luck that I got it during class."

Sooyoung winces. "That's rough."

"It's not the worst thing that's happened, honestly," Jiwoo laughs, "and I've gotten better at this thing over time. But, yeah, still sucks, though."

Their light conversations continue on even after they've already entered the campus. They're in the middle of laughing about a story Jiwoo was telling Sooyoung when they spot Jungeun with Jinsol, also walking to the dorm, hand-in-hand as if they don't spend ninety percent of their days together. Jungeun smiles brightly at Jiwoo and greets, "Fancy seeing you here."

"We all live in the same dorm, Jungeun," Sooyoung replies with a roll of her eyes. She catches Jinsol glance at Jiwoo so she takes matters into her own hands. "Jiwoo, this is Jinsol. Jinsol, Jiwoo."

The two exchange greetings and Jiwoo says, "Oh, so _you're_  Jinsol! I see you around sometimes, though I didn't think it was you they were talking about."

"I'm honestly surprised you see her around anywhere without me," Jungeun interjects, and Sooyoung deadpans, "Well, at least I didn't have to be the one dragging you two this time. You did it yourself."

They continue walking to the dorm together, Sooyoung watching quietly and occasionally smiling as Jiwoo talks to the couple as if she's known them forever and a day, when Jinsol suddenly turns her attention from Jiwoo to Sooyoung and asks, "Oh, hey, how'd that date of your friend's go?"

Sooyoung's heart leaps into her throat. Fuck. She'd completely forgotten about that. Jiwoo is looking at her curiously, expectantly, and Jungeun's eyes are slightly narrowed (can she see right through Sooyoung's lies?) so Sooyoung replies as curtly and passively as she can, "She says it went okay."

Jinsol grins, "See, I told you it'd work!" To Jungeun she explains, "Sooyoung was texting me earlier for advice to pass on to her friend going out on a date with her crush."

Jungeun's eyes flicker ever so briefly to Sooyoung before she says, "Really?"

"Yeah, she said her friend was super nervous about it, but I guess it turned out okay, didn't it?" Sooyoung just nods meekly, jaw set, and it's enough to satisfy Jinsol.

"That's nice!" Jiwoo remarks a little too over-enthusiastically. Jungeun snorts at that, and they fall back into their chatter, as if the conversation about Sooyoung's 'friend' never happened at all.

Jinsol and Jungeun go ahead, waving goodbye to Jiwoo at the lobby, while Sooyoung hovers around Jiwoo a little longer. Once her two friends are out of sight, Jiwoo turns around to Sooyoung and says, "Thanks for today. It was nice just getting to chill and all that."

"Sorry again for making you wait so long." When Jiwoo protests again about how it was really nothing, Sooyoung adds, "Next time, it's my treat. And I promise I'll remember to bring my wallet."

There's a funny look on Jiwoo's face and it takes Sooyoung a few seconds to figure out why: _Next time_. Oh. Sooyoung tries not to think about how she really just threw that out there by raising her speakers and saying, "And, uh, thanks by the way."

Jiwoo just smiles now and, after a few more seconds of them being unsure of who should leave first, she begins to turn on her heel and says, "I'll see you around." Sooyoung nods and waits for Jiwoo to be completely out of view before she throws her head back and lets out the breath she didn't know she was holding in. She lolls her head to the side and finds the front desk ahjumma eyeing her knowingly before she goes back to reading her magazine, which looks like the same one she'd been reading just hours ago. Sooyoung clears her throat and starts walking back to her room to avoid any more of this awkwardness.

Sooyoung places her speakers down on her desk when she gets back to the room. Jungeun, tossing her used clothes into her hamper by the side of her closet, barely looks at her as she remarks, "I'm honestly surprised you asked Jinsol for advice to pass on to your friend and not me."

"Are you seriously going to throw a _tantrum_  over this?" Sooyoung scoffs. There's a real fear that maybe Jungeun knows what Sooyoung is up to but she's also really banking on the hope that this is just Jungeun being her usual, obnoxious self.

"No," Jungeun murmurs, even though the way she stubbornly crosses her arms over her chest suggests otherwise. "I'm just _saying_  that you normally ask _me_ about this stuff."

At this point, Sooyoung bursts into laughter and throws a pillow at Jungeun's way. "Okay, whatever you say, you big baby."

Jungeun barely catches it and huffs, "I am _not_  a big baby." She tosses the pillow back on Sooyoung's bed and walks over to hers, plopping down on it. She begins scrolling through her phone for a while before she stops to ask Sooyoung, "Which friend of yours was this? I don't think you mentioned who."

"No one you know," Sooyoung answers, looking Jungeun straight in the eye. They're stuck in a sort of stare-down until Jungeun finally shrugs, murmurs "Whatever" and lets Sooyoung off the hook. Sooyoung thanks God or whoever it is up there on that heavenly throne. She gets up from her bed and tells Jungeun, "I'll take a shower first," to which Jungeun just hums back noncommittally in response.

Sooyoung closes the door to the bathroom behind her, hanging her towel and placing her basket of toiletries on top of the closed toilet seat. She's idly brushing her teeth when she suddenly thinks of what she said to Jiwoo:  _Next time, it's my treat._  'Next time'. A promise and a possibility. Sooyoung ends up smiling despite herself, mouth foamy with toothpaste and all. Okay, maybe this day didn't quite turn out the way she did and maybe she's had one too many near slip-ups, but it didn't turn out so bad, did it? It's crazy to think about how nervous she was this morning to how she almost gave Jiwoo the impression she was about to be stood up to this. Sooyoung bursts into laughter and from outside Jungeun yells, " _You've lost your goddamn mind, haven't you?_ "

Maybe she has, but this feeling, this _thrill_ —it's intoxicating and Sooyoung can't get enough of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allow me to spoil you guys a little bit with this longer-than-usual chapter ♥ I love this AU very much, I do.
> 
> And, [#WelcomeYYxYUnit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRIVS5lJ9HQ).


	8. department of the g&d

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Honestly I kind of just got roped into this."
> 
> "By 'this' you mean _them_?" Haseul asks, motioning to Yerim and Chaewon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- **prompt** : “I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.”

“I just did some calculations," Yerim says, handing Chaewon back her laptop half-shut, shit-eating grin spreading from ear to ear, "and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.”

Chaewon throws her hands up in disbelief and almost knocks her laptop right out of Yerim's as she half-shrieks, "Do you think I _asked_ her to bring me food as compensation for the fact she did jackshit for our paper?!" She grabs her laptop forcefully from Yerim, the tab on her browser still open on a certain Son Hyejoo's Facebook page.

As it turns out, the girl Sooyoung was talking about _was_ Hyejoo and Chaewon had all but died when she found out Hyejoo sat at the lobby waiting for her to come back just so she could personally hand her the food her mom made as a token of apology on Hyejoo's behalf. It was funny watching Chaewon lose her mind over it but now it's just bordering on concerning. Still funny, though.

"You make it sound like you didn't like a single bit of that," Yerim rolls her eyes. "I mean, you _did_ finish all of the food she gave you, down to the tiniest of scraps. Pretty sure you licked those tupperwares clean too."

Jiwoo watches as the two best friends bicker, amused if not a little bewildered. This is as much entertainment as she's going to get on a lazy Saturday like this.

It wasn't originally her plan to hang around Chaewon and Yerim, but it wasn't like she had anything better to do with her life either (she does, but she'd really rather not be bothered with responsibilities and all that hubaloo right now). Yerim often hung around at the dorm with Chaewon on the weekends, usually staying until the cut-off time for visitors. She manages to work around that though because she's such a familiar face at this point and the ahjumma was fond of her.

"First of all," Chaewon snaps, "shut the fuck up. Second, _shut the fuck up_. Last, the food was good, okay? And it would have been rude if I just handed it back to her like, how do you think her mom would feel if she found out all her efforts had gone to waste? Pretty bad!"

"Psh, you and your excuses," Yerim scoffs. "Just admit you've got a crush on her already, you big baby." They fall into more bickering.

As much as the ahjumma likes Yerim and Chaewon alike, they always got reprimanded for how noisy they could be. At least that's what Chaewon would tell Jiwoo, entering their room with complaints about how obnoxiously loud Yerim was again and how always they got the stink-eye from the ahjumma—which is exactly what's happening right now.

Jiwoo murmurs to her companions, "Hey, maybe we should keep it down because..." She points as discreetly as she can to the ahjumma.

"You hear that?" Chaewon elbows Yerim, "Shut up already." Yerim flashes the ahjumma an apologetical smile and mouths 'sorry', and the ahjumma just sighs to herself before going back to her magazine. The way she wiggles her brows at Chaewon says _'See? Always works.'_ Chaewon just rolls her eyes but the corners of her lips jump up.

Chaewon and Yerim are an interesting pair to watch. For starters, the two of them couldn't be any more different: Yerim is the poster girl for extroversion, always bubbly and with a skip to her steps, stronger than any shot of caffeine, and then you have Chaewon, shy and awkward and sometimes (or often) a nervous wreck, with a lot of layers to peel back before you finally get the weird out of her. But Jiwoo supposes that's why the two go so well together and Chaewon has shared the same sentiment to her, talking about how in freshman year the two of them had just gravitated towards each other. Chaewon described it more as Yerim not leaving her alone until she finally gave in, but Jiwoo knows that Chaewon has all of the affection and fondness in the world for Yerim, as much as she wants to downplay it. In fact, Chaewon confessed to Jiwoo that for a time she actually did feel _something_ for Yerim. She dismisses it now as a silly "happy crush" that never really meant anything, but it hasn't done much to convince Jiwoo that there _isn't_ something there between the two best friends, Hyejoo situation aside.

Jiwoo is snapped out of her reverie when Yerim suddenly says, mouth firing out words like a machine gun fires out bullets, "Whatever, Park 'Oh, but Hyejoo's actually not as snobby as I thought she looked! She's just really shy and awkward but in a cute kinda way—NO, I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON HER, FUCK YOU—and she has a nice smile NO ROMO, THOUGH' Chaewon."

Chaewon blinks. Then: "Girl, were you even _breathing_ when you said all that? Also: SHUT THE FUCK UP."

"I should really be the one telling _you_ to shut the fuck up because all you've been able to talk about the past two days is Hyejoo this, Hyejoo that."

"Please don't tell me you're jealous now or something," Chaewon replies in disgust, but Jiwoo notices the sudden, subtle shift in her voice.

"I don't need to be." Yerim breaks into her usual million kilowatt grin, eyes curving up into crescents, as she coos at Chaewon, "I know you love me the most anyway."

It's very obvious that Chaewon is gay-panicking. To deal with that, she throws all of the attention to Jiwoo by blurting out, "Remember Sooyoung? Jiwoo's crush? I think I told you about that, right?"

It doesn't take much to switch topics with Yerim, it seems, because in a heartbeat she drops the Hyejoo topic and says, "Oh, right! Yeah, you've mentioned it."

"You told her about that?" Jiwoo asks Chaewon, just a little hurt and betrayed.

"It's not like she knows who Sooyoung is anyway," Chaewon replies. Jiwoo can sense that her roommate feels a little bad for throwing her under the bus like that to save her own ass, so with a huff, she decides to let Chaewon have this one. To Yerim, she asks, "Remember that thing I told you? The one about that date she went on?"

"The coffee date?" Yerim asks back at the same time that Jiwoo hisses, "It wasn't a date! Stop saying it was a date!"

"Well, I mean, it sure sounded like one..." Chaewon cocks a perfectly arched brow.

"But it wasn’t!" Jiwoo insists.

"Bet you wish it was one, though," Yerim teases. And perhaps she's made a point. _Perhaps_. "Hey, Chae, didn't you say that she and crushie are text buddies now or something?"

Right. _Right_. After their coffee...date? Get-together? Meeting? Jiwoo doesn't want to call it a date because that's a hell of an assumption and she doesn't want to be that kind of person but—okay, after they hung out, they exchanged numbers ("This time I'll make sure to reply, even when I'm running late," Sooyoung quipped, "Cross my heart and hope to die.") and started chatting more frequently. They were usually quite aimless conversations—about school, about Jinsol's sudden preoccupation with Gundam models, about the dorm and the people in it, about everything and nothing at all. All that served to proves was that literally everyone who's in on Jiwoo's crush was right about her not needing to cling onto Sooyoung's speakers forever to find reasons to talk to her.

Jiwoo blushes as she murmurs, "It's not like any of that means _anything_..."

"My God, you're really about to beat Chaewon in the Gay and Dense department."

Jiwoo is about to make a comeback when, from the corner of her eye, she spots a familiar figure. She squints and says, "Oh, it's Haseul." Haseul, her savior from this shitfest. Beautiful, wonderful Haseul.

"Hey, guys!" Haseul greets as she walks over to the trio, glasses riding low on her nose and a smile warm enough to thaw an iceberg plastered on her face. She turns her attention to Yerim and remarks, "I don't think I've seen you around here before."

Chaewon jerks her thumb towards Yerim and says, "This is my friend Yerim. She isn't a dormer but she might as well be with how much time she spends here. Yerim, this is Haseul, the head girl kinda of the dorm." Yerim rolls her eyes at Chaewon but brightly addresses Haseul with a "Nice to meet you!"

Haseul flops down on the couch across theirs, throws open her ringbinded stack of readings; Jiwoo knows she probably isn't going to read any of that. Haseul asks, "So, what're you guys up to?" When they just stare at her blankly, she blushes slightly and says, "That...wasn't weird or anything, right?"

Jiwoo chuckles. "No, it's fine. Honestly I kind of just got roped into this."

"By 'this' you mean _them_?" Haseul asks, motioning to Yerim and Chaewon.

"Pretty much," Jiwoo shrugs. "It's not as bad as I make it sound."

"Well, _I'm_ not the one making a fool of myself," Yerim says, looking pointedly at Chaewon. When Haseul cocks a brow curiously, Yerim continues, "You see, Chaewon over here doesn't want to accept that she's crushing on the same girl that she was talking so much shit about only a few days ago."

"We all know how these kinds of things usually end," Haseul teases Chaewon, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Everyone bursts into laughter when Chaewon's face burns hot red and all she can do in her personal defense is whine incoherently.

When the commotion settles, Haseul says to Jiwoo, "Oh, Sooyoung mentioned her little mishap during your coffee..... _run_ , by the way."

Jiwoo tries her damned hardest not to melt on the spot, tries to pretend she doesn't see the way Chaewon and Yerim's eyes light up like Christmas lights at how Haseul had to stop to pick the right word, a word that isn't 'date'. With a tight smile, she replies, "Really? What did she say?"

"Ran late, left her wallet, 'I'm human too, Haseul! I can make mistakes!'" Haseul chuckles to herself. "I hope she didn't cause a fuss for you or anything, though. She can be...a little out of it, sometimes."

"O-oh! No, of course not!" Jiwoo shakes her head with so much earnest that it feels like she's thrown her brain into a blender. "I already told her I don't feel bad or anything about it. And..." Jiwoo chuckles softly. "Even when she's 'out of it', it sure doesn't seem that way."

Haseul smiles. "I'm glad Sooyoung is really warming up to you. I know she tends come off really standoff-ish at first, but it's really just because she's shy at first and doesn't exactly know how to deal with, like, people, I guess. So...yeah, it's nice to see she's warmed up to you pretty fast."

Jiwoo gives herself some time to process all of that. If she's understanding this right, apparently Sooyoung has "warmed up" to her at an unusually short period of time, and since this is coming from Haseul, one of Sooyoung's closest friends, then it _had_ to be valid. If anyone had any experience to back up such a statement, it had to be Haseul. Then, she thinks, _Oh_. It takes a lot of effort for Jiwoo to not become a giddy mess.

"Sooyoung was one of my first friends here, actually. Her and another girl, but she moved back to Hong Kong the summer before sophomore year," Haseul tells them, the small smile that clings to her lips nostalgic and fond. They listen attentively. "Even then, she was like this already: seemingly aloof with that too-cool-for-school air she always has around her. The first time I met her, I was actually pretty intimidated by her. I guess it's just a good thing that I was pretty persistent, otherwise we probably never would have become friends, let alone as close as we are now. She's said so herself—she can be a little awkward at first and it takes her a while to grow comfortable and slowly open up more to you, but once she does, there's no going back. Kinda makes you wonder if it was all worth it because she's such a weirdo sometimes."

Is it possible to feel this soft for someone just from hearing one of their best friends tell you about how socially awkward they kind of are? Now that Jiwoo really thinks of it though, she does see what Haseul is talking about. Sooyoung isn't as awkward around Jiwoo now, or at least she feels more comfortable now enough to crack jokes and give her a taste of that sarcasm she has with her friends. Jiwoo knows she isn't on the level that Sooyoung is on with Haseul, but this—this is good, yeah. _She's just kind of an awkward bean_ , Jiwoo thinks, her softness for Sooyoung intensifying exponentially by the second.

"Sooyoung sure sounds like something," Yerim says, looking pointedly at Jiwoo. Then she nudges Chaewon and muses, "She actually kind of sounds like Chaewon. Just, you know, minus the intimidation and being cool."

Chaewon takes offense at that and defends herself by exclaiming, "Excuse you, I can be intimidating!"

"You're about as intimidating as a butterfly, Chae," Jiwoo puts in gently.

"Lepidoterophobia is a thing!" Chaewon's voice pitches up an octave in her bout of defensiveness. " _It's a thing!_ " Jiwoo and Yerim fall into a fit of laughter while Haseul watches them with the amusement of a mother watching her children bicker aimlessly.

They keep each other company until late in the afternoon, when the sky is a lovely shade of orange and the sun begins to shy behind the safety of the clouds. Haseul is the first to leave with a sighed, "I should have known I wouldn't get any reading done today," and not too long after that, Yerim gets up to leave too. Chaewon sees her to the door and, when she comes back, they walk back to their room together.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that all Jiwoo can think about is what Haseul said. Jiwoo honestly wasn't sure if she was doing a good job at this befriending-your-crush-so-she-falls-in-love-with-you thing; sure, she's willing to give herself credit for the progress she's made but up until talking to Haseul, she couldn't really say if this was going to get her anywhere. Turns out, it might. More than that, however, she feels an even greater want, an even greater _need_ , to take down all of the walls Sooyoung's built around herself to get to that Sooyoung that she sees with Haseul and Jungeun. She wants Sooyoung to have a smile meant just for her, riddled with their own little secrets and inside jokes. She just wants to be part of Sooyoung's world, cheesy as that sounds.

Chaewon nudges Jiwoo with her elbow. When Jiwoo doesn't respond (too lost in her thoughts), she continues to nudge her more persistently until Jiwoo finally gives in. " _What?_ "

"Oh, come on," Chaewon laughs. "You _know_ what!"

Jiwoo blushes. "If you don't drop this topic, I'm going to push you down these stairs."

"You wouldn't. You still need me if you want my mom to feed you."

Jiwoo puffs her cheeks out stubbornly. "Whatever. It's not like any of it means anything anyway."

"How are you so sure about that?" Chaewon asks. "Sure, you might think it means nothing to Sooyoung but at the same time, you'll never really know if you don't find out."

"Any other words of advice, O' wise one?" Jiwoo's voice drips with sarcasm. "Or maybe I should say O' hypocritical one."

"If you don't drop this Hyejoo thing, I'm going to push you down the stairs or poison you in your sleep," Chaewon threatens, again about as scary as a butterfly. "I won't hesitate!"

Jiwoo opens the door to their room. "Well then stop pestering me about Sooyoung!" Realizing her voice was loud enough to be heard down the hall, she lowers it to a whisper and repeats, "Stop pestering me about Sooyoung!"

Chaewon leaves her laptop on her bed before she scoots over to Jiwoo's, making herself comfy. "Okay," she says, "but this is great progress, right? One of Sooyoung's best friends said it was. It can only mean that Sooyoung must like you."

Jiwoo sits opposite Chaewon. "Quite an assumption you're making there."

"I meant she must like you in general," Chaewon explains with the exasperation of an adult explaining something to a child. "That's as good a start as any if you want her to like-like you. Also, you can stop acting like you aren't giddy now. It's just you and I anyway."

Despite her best efforts to stop herself, Jiwoo breaks into a big, goofy grin. Chaewon starts poking at her ribs teasingly cooing "Theeere she is," until Jiwoo finally lightly swats Chaewon's hand away.

"Truce?" Jiwoo offers her hand to Chaewon, who takes it in hers with a firm shake and affirms, "Truce. No more shit-talking."

She supposes Chaewon is right. After all, why would Sooyoung want to hang out with her in the first place if she didn't like Jiwoo to begin with? It fortifies her hope in that big maybe —maybe this'll work out after all, maybe she's got a real good shot at this.

Chaewon goes to her bed after their little declaration of truce. Jiwoo can't help herself (and she honestly wants to kind of get back at Chaewon for throwing her under the bus earlier), which prompts her to says, "So...that lil' gay panic you had around Yerim earlier." She grins to herself as she watches Chaewon's cheeks visibly redden and her eyes go as wide as saucers like a deer caught in the headlights. Truce postponed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm free! (For now, before I get sucked into internship stuff, BUT ANYWAY.) Maybe I'll get to write more frequently now because I've recovered the other brain cells I've lost throughout the past school year.


	9. why'd you only text me when you're drunk?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't make me call Haseul," Jungeun threatens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> — **prompt** : 
> 
> My research class professor: Next week you'll be presenting your research proposal!  
> Me, inwardly, knowing i only have 1/3 of my proposal done: Well _fuck_ me.
> 
> Based on unfortunately very true events.

_The occurrence of films (and TV shows) ‘burying their gays’ can be attributed to the threat that normalizing LGBT characters’ lifestyles and relationships poses to the heterosexual norm that has long dominated human society as a whole. It is a “reaction to a particular anxiety about the amount of space queer individuals take up in the cultural imaginary” (Deshler, 2017, p. 34). “[Q]ueer bodies are linked to death in such a way because they don’t “fit” into the predefined social order – they are wrongly oriented,” Deshler (2017, p. 33) echoes Sarah Ahmed’s argument. “Compulsory heterosexuality shapes bodies by the assumption that a body ‘must’ orient itself towards some objects and not others” (Ahmed 145). Because queer lives have failed in such a way, and because heterosexuals have so stridently foreclosed queerness as a possibility for themselves, queer lives and queer loss are unable to be grieved as such. “The failure to recognize queer loss as loss is also a failure to recognize queer relationships as significant bonds, or that queer lives are worth living, or that queers are more than failed heterosexuals, heterosexuals who have failed ‘to be’” (Ahmed 156).”_

Six thousand plus words, two cans of Red Bull and about eight hours later: Sooyoung is finally—god-fucking- _finally_ —done with her review of related literature for her research proposal. Sure, it's about _five thousand fucking words_ over the word count stated on the class syllabus, but her professor's a pretty lenient guy when it came to that stuff, more often than not telling them that any number he prescribed only served as the 'ideal' and could be worked around, and she could always edit this after the first submission. What matters is that she's done and she can finally rest her brain. She goes over her entire proposal one last time, checking for any grammatical errors, before she e-mails it to her professor. A very unattractive and borderline inappropriate noise frees itself from her lips when the pop-up message of 'Your message has been sent!' appears. Sweet, sweet release.

Sooyoung all but melts into her mattress when she crashes right onto it. Her head is still fuzzy from all the hours spent crunching out words and flipping through PDF after PDF, attempting to create something coherent and cohesive out of the over thirty articles she's compiled over the course of six weeks in this course. Her skin feels icky and gross and the strong, chemical taste of Red Bull is not a nice one to have lingering in your mouth but a shower can wait; all she wants to do is sleep. Help all of her brain cells rejuvenate and recover from all the beating they just took over the past eight hours. 

Barely even a minute of having her eyes closed passes before she hears the door quite literally thrown open and Jungeun's voice booms, " _Ha Sooyoung, we are going out tonight and you are going to get smashed_ as fuck." Sooyoung lifts her face from her pillow and groans before she buries her face again into it.

The mattress dips where Jungeun seats herself. "I take it you've finally submitted your proposal if you're already making out with your pillow like that."

"Fuck off," Sooyoung replies, words muffled by the pillow. Jungeun understands it though because she laughs. 

"Come on," Jungeun insists, violently shaking Sooyoung's shoulders, "you're free from the grips of the academe already anyway! You deserve to celebrate."

Any situation where Jungeun is right is never a comfortable one for Sooyoung. Still not lifting her face from the pillow, she grumbles, "I'm tired and all I want to do is sleep, so please leave me alone," but her resolve is crumbling slowly and in this kind of state, it was never very strong to begin with.

"Don't make me call Haseul," Jungeun threatens.

Goddamn fucking _Haseul_. Sooyoung knows better than to take a threat like that lightly. In fact, _anyone_ with even just half a brain cell would know better than to take a threat like that lightly. Resigned, Sooyoung finally sits up properly on her bed and, with a scowl, mutters, "Give me, like, ten minutes to get changed."

* * *

Three very colorful and very deadly drinks and soon-to-be-biggest-mistakes in, and Sooyoung begins to think that maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all. It's good company and good (well, okay, this point is debatable) alcohol, and Jungeun was right: Sooyoung _did_ deserve to celebrate. And, truth is, Sooyoung _is_ in desperate need of alcohol. Huge, neon-lit emphasis on 'desperate'. She hasn't gone drinking at all since the semester started either which is already a record on her part; she'd turned down any and all invitations to go out for drinks because she simply did not have the time or energy for it right now, perpetually neck-deep in deadlines and exams. She couldn't force herself out of bed even if she wanted to, as much as she wanted to get shitfaced to restore the balance of her life, or so it goes.

For the most part, Sooyoung has always been okay with being busy and, if there were no deadlines to meet or exams to cram for, she found loads of other things to keep herself busy with. It feels nice to constantly be on the move, always doing something new, and really, all that matters to her is that she isn't _bored_. And boy, did she get bored easily. However, like any other person, being too busy could also be a bad thing. That's what the past three weeks have been: too busy. Too busy for her to even entertain any thoughts about Jiwoo, which, depending on how you look at it, could either be a good thing or a bad thing. Good, because Jiwoo might as well live in Sooyoung's head with how much Sooyoung thinks about her on any given day. Bad, because she hasn't spoken much to Jiwoo over the time she was trying not to drown in all of her requirements and she didn't see her much either because she would either hole herself away at the library or in her room.

Okay. Definitely bad, because now that she has enough time and capacity to, she misses Jiwoo.

Bad, because she'd made steady progress after their coffee not-date and now life has cockblocked her and ruined the momentum.

Bad, because that could also just but the liquor talking. But that doesn't stop her from accepting the bottle of beer that Jinsol shoves into her hand as she scolds Sooyoung over the music of the bar, "We're here to drink until our faces melt off, not _think_!"

Haseul laughs at that and, more gently, tells Sooyoung, " _Relax_ , Soo. You've had a long week—we _all_ have—so you should allow yourself some time to stop thinking about whatever else you need to work on."

Sooyoung scowls through her hazy, wobbly vision and replies, "I'm not," before she drowns out the rest of her words with a swig of beer. Beer never fails to disgust her but it's a very welcome kind of disgust. A 'you're a piece of shit but I still love you' kind of thing. 

"Maybe you should be asking her if she's got some _one_ on her mind," Jungeun suggests wickedly, with a smirk to match. 

Jinsol snorts, " _Sooyoung?_ ," and though there seems to be a flash of suspicion in Haseul's eyes, her mouth eventually blooms into an amused smile as she asks Jungeun, "Okay, and what would even make you think that? If she were into anyone, let alone _dating_ someone, the three of us would be the first to know." She turns to Sooyoung. "Isn't that right, Sooyoung?"

 _Well._ Sooyoung beams at them, "Of course! What kinda person do you guys think I am?"

"You're a good liar," Jungeun sneers, "but you're not _that_ good."

Jinsol's eyes dart between her girlfriend and Sooyoung, brows furrowing. There's that look on her face that suggests the gears in her brain are turning as she pieces this puzzle together like one of her Gundam figures. In the end, with wide guileless eyes she asks, "Is there something we're missing here?" The kicked-puppy pout that clings onto her lips is especially for Jungeun.

Sooyoung narrows her eyes at Jungeun, who mirrors the expression right back at Sooyoung. She already knows that this must be about that day Sooyoung (unfortunately not romantically) went out with Jiwoo for coffee, when Jungeun found out Sooyoung had asked Jinsol for advice 'for her friend' instead of the former. She didn't even think her roommate would _still_ be so hung-up on it. She at least made a good effort of making it look like she wasn't, good enough that Sooyoung bought into it. It makes her wonder if Jungeun's snooped around already to gather evidence of Sooyoung's bluff, or if she's already figured out that Sooyoung has a crush on Jiwoo. The thought of the latter absolutely _mortifies_ her. Would Jungeun be petty enough to rat Sooyoung out?

In a fit of panic, Sooyoung blurts out, "Next round of shots is on me." Haseul and Jungeun are taken aback but Jinsol whoops and squeezes past the people that occupy every inch of the room to get to the bar.

The 'next round' turns into countless other rounds and countless other drinks getting slapped into her hands or sloshing onto the floor or into her lap. Soon Jungeun starts wailing about how the world is 'fucked all the way up the ass' because of the apparent Tequila shortage going on, which somehow leads to Haseul incoherently crying about _something_ into the pitcher of grape-flavored whatever-the-fuck that they just ordered and Jinsol trying to console them both by saying, thick-tongued, "There's Bacardi, Jäger; there's still some hope for the w— _holy shit, SOOYOUNG_ —"

Despite how piss-drunk and off-kilter Sooyoung is on top of her roiling stomach, she manages to sprint from their table all the way to the bar's only restroom, fling the the toilet seat open and get real intimate with the toilet. The restroom smells absolutely _horrible_ , adding to the sickness she feels in her stomach, and if she weren't so drunk she would been more disgusted about letting her pants get dirty where they touch the tiled floor (which looks like it could tell you the entire history of the world just from all the bacteria that clung to it). She's vaguely aware of Haseul rushing into the bathroom with a slurred, "Oh my god, are you okay?", before she moves beside Sooyoung to hold her hair out of her face as she retches the contents of her stomach out into the abyss of the toilet.

The bitter, horrid taste of vomit coats Sooyoung's mouth but despite that, she actually _does_ feel significantly better. She doesn't get to relish in the relief she feels, however, because she's immediately struck with an overwhelming amount of embarrassment. The last time she's ever done this in public was freshman year, when she didn't know any better but had way too much pride to turn down any drink thrown her way. Except she does, or _should_ , know better now. Haseul consolingly pats Sooyoung on the back and says, "Let's get you back to the dorm."

There's something to be said about how, in the grand scheme of things, this all happened because Sooyoung had a _crush_.

It's a blur of bodies and flashing lights and her memory is already patchy, but Sooyoung does remember the four of them hopping into the back of a cab, elbows and knees knocking as they boisterously tried to squish together at the back. Somehow Haseul ends up half-seated on Sooyoung's lap as she gives instructions to the driver. Sooyoung's head lolls over onto Jungeun's shoulder as her eyes droop, her senses completely dulled. Despite all the cotton in her head, Jiwoo manages to pop up in her thoughts, clearer than anything else Sooyoung can perceive right now. Like a rainbow in the dark. Which is—too much for Sooyoung's brain to process right now.

Haseul's hip presses hard against Sooyoung's stomach and, feeling her gag reflex about to act up again, Sooyoung groans, "Don't—I might just—" Before she even gets to finish her sentence, Jinsol and Jungeun stir in panic, telling Haseul to move and Sooyoung to not puke in the car, they were already a handful to deal with right now. Sooyoung imagines the driver must be very eager right now to get rid of them already.

Suddenly, the world comes to a screeching halt for Sooyoung, and in a surreal moment it feels like she's staring at a freeze-frame of everything happening around her. When she blinks her heavy eyelids, everything goes black.

* * *

When Sooyoung opens her eyes again, she's staring at the familiar ceiling of her and Jungeun's room. How she got here, she cannot remember for the life of her, but she's glad all the same that she's on her bed. Alive and in one piece too, apparently. That doesn't spare her from feeling like her head is going to split open like a coconut with every minute movement of it, or the numbness she feels around her mouth, or the staleness that is heavy on her tongue. Her bladder also feels like it's about to burst and there's an incredibly uncomfortable crick in her neck, something that could only be the preface of another intimate session with the toilet seat.

At least she still remembers _most_ of the previous night, sans the majority of the cab ride or when she even managed to get changed into pajamas, that is.

Sooyoung moves around more carefully (more _slowly_ ) this time, pushing herself upright. She turns her head to check on Jungeun, who's still knocked out cold; the way her blanket is wrapped so securely around her makes her look like a human burrito. Sooyoung's stomach suddenly growls. _A burrito would be real nice right now_ , she thinks. 

She finds her phone lost in the sea of her blanket, fishes it out and goes through the messages from last night. There are messages from Haseul and Jinsol, both of whom promise to check up on Sooyoung and Jungeun once they've nursed their own hangovers and both of whom suggest they go to that restaurant that serves really good, tried and tested, Haseul-approved _haejang-guk_. Does 10 AM sound good?

Sooyoung shoots quick replies to her friends' messages and is about to close the messaging app when the preview of an unread message catches her eye: _Hi!! I hope you're doing okay now :(_ Her heart sinks to the bottom of the ocean when she sees who the text is from: _Kim Jiwoo_.

Her stomach's tying itself into knots—whether over the anxiety that's gripped onto her or because she probably needs to puke again, she can't say for sure; maybe it's a bit of both—as Sooyoung opens the message thread with Jiwoo. Frantically, she scrolls through the messages she has absolutely no recollection of sending, eyes bulging out of their sockets as her face heats up hotter than the sun.

JIWOWOOEWOOOO  
  


Just from the first message alone Sooyoung already knows this is probably gonna end very, very, _very_ horribly.

sooyoung?????? are you okay omg...  
  
nvere ebrtyet bettre  
  
beterteyt  
  
BETTER*** FUCK  
  
are you drunk lol :(  
  
are you back at the dorm now at least  
  


If Sooyoung could just punch herself in the face, she would have already. It's so like Jiwoo to still be so patient and concerned with Sooyoung even though she was _drunk-texting_ her at one in the morning, based on the time stamps of the messages. What's worse is that this is probably the most Sooyoung has texted to Jiwoo over the past two weeks of hell, and _of course_ she just had to find a way to make it so incredibly embarrassing and awkward. A part of her wants to just toss her phone into the trashcan and never look at it again, but she also really needs to make sure she didn't send anything, uh, incriminating to Jiwoo in the haze of her drunken state. In short: she hopes to whatever higher power is up there that she didn't accidentally confess to Jiwoo.

jieoewo  
  
tlel yofid as secresttrr  
  
yes???  
  
huh what  
  
OH okay uh go ahead  
  
promsie not ot tellt anyeonwro????/  
  
sure  
  


_OH MY FUCKING—_

YOUDS PRSOMSEMISE??  
  
yes!! of course c:  
  
ok gofod  
  
heers;ds the secrett  
  
i  
  


— _God....?_ Sooyoung blinks at her phone a few times before she realizes that she probably completely passed out and prematurely sent that last message before she could even finish it, because the next message from Jiwoo is the one from this morning. Which is a good thing, of course. Fuck, it's a _great_ thing. Drunk!Sooyoung might have been a mess but she still came through for Morning After!Sooyoung at the last minute. She breathes out a sigh of relief.

Then: "Oh, _fuck_."

Just as Jungeun's finally stirring awake, Sooyoung feels her stomach roiling again. She hastily throws the blanket aside and leaps out of bed, hurriedly making a beeline for the bathroom and kicking the door shut behind her. It's another intimate session with the toilet seat. Jungeun croaks, "HURRY UP, I NEED TO—" Sooyoung doesn't hear what Jungeun says after that. 

When her stomach is positively empty, Sooyoung slumps against the tiled wall. Any relief she felt just a few moments ago is replaced with a whole lot of discomfort and a sharp stab of pain through her stomach; she's hungry but she isn't sure if she's going to be able to hold down her food just yet. To top it all off, she realizes that even though she didn't drunkenly confess to Jiwoo, she still _did_ make a fool out of herself by texting her while inebriated. She makes a silent pact to never drink ever again, though she knows that give it at least a week and she'll gladly get shitfaced again.

Jungeun doesn't care to wait until Sooyoung exits the bathroom, instead bursting right in, a hand clutching her stomach. She's half-glaring, half-squinting at her roommate as she grunts, "Hey, _out_. My turn to do my business." When Sooyoung just groans, her stomach back to twisting itself into a million knots, Jungeun repeats, "OUT."

Sooyoung gets up from the floor, face contorted in discomfort, before something takes over her and she turns on her heel just before Jungeun closes the door behind her. Says, "So I maybe kind of fucked up a little." The door slams in her face just as she utters the last word out and Jungeun replies from inside, "Yeah, not interested in the details of your incompetence."

"Hey, referencing The Devil Wears Prada is _my_ thing, not yours," Sooyoung huffs. She hears Jungeun retching into the toilet, wrinkles her nose and sighs in defeat, "Maybe—maybe you were right about me liking someone." More puking. Jesus. "And, uh, I might have drunk-texted her last night."

The toilet flushes loudly and Sooyoung jumps backwards as the door flies open and Jungeun emerges, suddenly wide awake as she exclaims, " _WHAT?_ " She looks like she's caught somewhere between smugness over her victory and what could only be described as horror.

Sooyoung's head gives a sickening throb and her ears ring with a terrible headache. This is going to be one very long and very excruciating morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The excerpt at the very beginning of the chapter is actually taken from my own research proposal's review of related literature. I want to do a study on LGBT (media) representation in the Philippines for my research class (something like a pre-thesis course), which I also have yet to trim down before I submit LOL. Anyhow, I hope to scale this up for a thesis-level study next year. Fun, fun, fun.
> 
> My friend showed me a tweet about this fic and tl;dr OP said something like, "I just wanna know how my gays are doing," and, well—I guess this answers 1/2 of that question. The Gays Are Alright.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated, and you can reach me through my [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/izzywrites/) 💘.
> 
> [EDIT] I've made a separate Twitter for all fic updates and such, so feel free to follow or hit me up there: [@nykteris_](http://twitter.com/nykteris_/). I've also created a separate curiouscat account, which you'll find the link to on my Twitter.


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